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Reviews for A time after Navi

By : BigGator5
  • From ANON - qwerty on April 28, 2005
    Alright, here goes. I read this story, and the time before, and I have 2 comments.
    1.Setting. You normally use stuff from the game, so people know what you're talkign about, but the kokoti really don't get much time in the game itself. Perhaps something other than a brief note on their sexaul customs?
    2.Speed. Speed. Speed. Everything you write is interesting, and fairly plausible, but you move so darn fast. It's one thign if you're writing about someone who has a lot of built in background(i.e. Aragorn), btu when the person has the exposure of Saria, you really need to slow down and be more descritpive, introduce her a bit, make her emotions understandable. The same goes for the sex(two lines are enough to make the story nc-17, but not enough to add anythign to the story. It's kind of funny that you seemt o focus the whole story on the bedroom, then spend no time on it).
    Bonus:Read your story three times, at intervals of at leats 1/2 hr be4 posting it. As you read, think: Does this seem otherworldly/contrived? Is this really the word I want here(i.e her arms "warped" around him) There are soemthigns spellcheck can't get.
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  • From ANON - anon on February 04, 2004
    Better written than your other one. Very sweet.
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  • From ANON - mama d on January 19, 2004
    Woah...never seen anything like this before. The underage doesn't bother me, it's cute. Very angsty too, as you said u.u I wasn't expecting the sage to be their child, that was nice. Lovely, lovely.
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  • From ANON - SailorPoison on November 24, 2003
    This is a very sweet fanfic! Esp how he got to share some time with Saria but in the end had comfort from Zelda. Made me wanna cry also. Good job!
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