Reviews for Lara Croft and the Forbidden Temple

BY : Jackass2016


  • From Fearrig on May 21, 2017

    After thinking it over I've decided to add a little extra bit, though this part's only going to be my personal opinion. I didn't add this to my initial review since I wanted that to stay as unbiased as I could make it, but on a personal note I wasn't really a fan of how you kept teasing the audience with something that could've happened, and then didn't.

    The wolves were a big one, as I said it almost seemed as if there was more to that and she would have passed through their area upon exiting the temple, yet nothing came of it. I know you ask if people would read a bonus scene, and I can guarantee I would especially since their departure from the story was so strange.

    The other minor ones were the snakes in the pool when she passed through it again (I know she killed one, but you mentioned there were more) and the panther scene seemed fairly short, being interrupted with a fight and with her killing them in a confusing action scene. It was hard to tell what was happening there since it seemed like you tried to fit too much action into it, the only way for the fight scene to make sense would be for them to move at the speed of sound.

    However these are just personal gripes, and like I said I tried to keep my initial review more as unbiased as I could, with the only real exception being that bit about the mercenaries.



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  • From Fearrig on May 20, 2017

    To be fully honest, while I enjoyed this story I can't help but feel as if it was oddly disjointed and not used to its full potential. The tagline for this is "Another adventure, different outcome." But that isn't really all that true in this case as aside from the sexual acts, the story goes along in pretty much standard tomb raider fashion and even ends in the same way you'd expect. You set up a full temple and a different culture, however little of it was used and it felt more or less an afterthought as it didn't have any real impact on the characters involved once everything was said and done, and if you replaced anything sexual in the story with a non-sexual trap there wouldn't be any real difference, with one big exception, the mercenaries.

    Personally I don't like seeing other mercenaries in stories like this for two reasons. The first is it detracts from the feelings of isolation, exploration and discovery that both stories like this and the games can give, and secondly is because they can be shoehorned into any story without it making a difference. If you had her explore a regular temple nothing involving them would need to be changed, so it just feels like a waste of the setting. Having them here didn't really add anything, in fact I'd argue it took a bit away since it means that Lara doesn't get to see the stone guardians awaken, or experience the final couple of rooms and I was kind of curious what the center of this whole temple was like, and now I've got no clue.

    Aside from that how they ended up catching her was kind of lame, though mainly because she apparently didn't feel like shooting them at first even though they were shooting her while she was crossing the invisible bridge. Had they not been shooting her, or had they attempted to make it look like they weren't hostile at first it would have made more sense. I'm also not sure why the leader kicked the dude off the cliff since it didn't set up anything and just seemed to be more to show us that he's evil, even though that was already established. It doesn't make too much sense in context either since if he survived it might lead to revenge from the others once they got their payouts (after all, they don't like him and with him gone that means a bigger split for the others) and/or it could mean that fewer people want to work with him in the future.

    There were also some odd things that seemed like they were setup for later, but had no payoff. The wolves were established in the first chapter to be an obstacle she had to pass to enter, and since she leaves through the pool you'd expect to see them again, but they're just gone from the story. I get it if you didn't want to add anything more with them, but a slight mention or remark that she didn't encounter the wolves this time would help somewhat.

    Now as I said, I did like this story. It's got good atmosphere, good descriptions and details, the parts where the environment is fleshed out is nice, you've obviously put more thought into the temple and the characters than many people would have and aside from what I've mentioned it comes off as mostly believable. You also didn't have the story overstay its welcome, which is a major problem for some of the stories on here, where they have a good place they could end at but then keep on going regardless. The reason I'm leaving such a critique is precisely because I like it and want to see you improve, and if you do a sequel I'd be very interested in seeing where that one goes.



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  • From SmuttyMcSmutface on May 03, 2017

    This has been one of my favorite stories to be posted in a looooong time. I'd love to have more along the lines of the second chapter. I also wish we had been able to see that scene with the wolf pack. Maybe something along those lines involving anal, as well?

    Keep up the amazing work! 



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  • From SailorNemesis on April 11, 2017

    Chap2, thanks for panther scene.  Would like more of that.  And snakes.



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  • From SailorNemesis on April 09, 2017

    Way too much reader teasing.  The scene with the wolves was such a disappointment and then you did it again with the panther.  The snake scene was great, would like more of that.  But you need to stop teasing a deliver.  And dildo chairs are boring.  Bring on the bestiality.



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  • From AFFModerator on April 09, 2017

    Please correct your disclaimer.

    Your disclaimer doesn't have one of the two parts we need to see. You must use the actual name of the fandom.  Just naming the owners/creators of the fandom, or saying that you don't own only the characters is not enough.

    What happens if the disclaimer isn't fixed? We allow seven (7) days for the story to be corrected. After that, we hide it, and it will stay hidden until it's corrected or until it's been thirty (30) days since we hid it.  At that point, we do delete the story. If we do hide your story, you can always access it through your Control Panel in your archive profile even while it's hidden. If we do hide your story, and you've fixed it, you can contact the ToS team with the name of your story, your username and the fandom where the story is located to have your story made visible again. You can contact us by email at TOS_team@adult-fanfiction.org. Just one thing: Re-uploads of hidden stories are deleted immediately with no additional warning given.

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