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Reviews for Mia's trail

By : Gold4sun
  • From ThePairingGuy on July 19, 2017

    I agree that the line "They both thought that Dora was evil ..." should be removed. I don't know how many people would find it offensive, but it's very confusing and completely extraneous to the story.

    Also, the line "Kraden was no fool, he would have sex only once per sexy student" is unintentionally ironic, since every aspect of his blackmailing is utterly foolish. First of all, his blackmail has no teeth; mailing out photos of a girl changing in a locker room would be scandalous for Kraden, not the girl. Very likely at least one girl would be too naaive to realize that, but most high school girls would immediately realize that Kraden is essentially threatening them by pointing a gun at his own head. Second, having sex with multiple students instead of multiple times with one student creates more witnesses to his criminal behavior and increases the likelihood that one of them will blow the whistle on him. Third, he compounds that problem by bragging about his other victims. That means when a girl finally blows the whistle on him (which goes from a likelihood to a certainty the more girls he does this with), the authorities will be able to immediately get all his victims as witnesses, and he'll be charged with multiple counts of blackmail, sexual harrassment, and rape instead of just one.

    I have to say, too, that I don't see much point in alternate world fics like these; if you want to write about contemporary schoolgirls, there are plenty of IPs to choose from.


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  • From david15 on May 27, 2017

    So two things stand out one you need to mark this as an au set in a modern day world and second , at the end the line that says "They both thought that Dora was evil, but she was a nice lady even if she lost her husband Kyle a few years ago' needs to be changed after all your telling the readers that her husband being dead could have made her a bad person or being blunter your saying despite his death she's not turned bad wich is insulting to those who have lost loved ones


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