Reviews for Mortuus Orbis

BY : Sparrow & InBrightestDay


  • From JayDee on January 19, 2021

    Chapter nine

    Another great chunk of action right here, really emphasising the sensual aspects of Sorceress' design before the violence starts! Really liked the descriptions here.

    For a group that claims not to be in a horror movie, Sorceress sure was keen to go off on her own into a dark basement area!

    That was a cool monster design – some very Resident Evil crossed with A New Hope feel to it. Given the fact that it went straight for breast, there seems to be some “InBrighestDay’s libido” in there too :p IBD told me it was a visitor from The Witcher, still on my ‘to play’ list there, though I’ve started on the books.

    The way it started to feed was another good bit of description – and the effect of the acid and the effect on Isabeau before her flask gulp was pretty damn good. The story is getting into some solid guro phases now for sure.

    All the talk about antibiotics/infection makes me wonder if something’s gonna be getting in through that wound beyond likes sepsis or some shit.

     “The weapons were clearly military grade but none of them were precisely recognisable” – heh, we’ve all been there- the damn game manufactures don’t want the expense of licensing real guns, so you end up with a  fucking “Klobb”. Also it works because if you aren’t using exact weapons then it ain’t gonna piss off a gun nut if some detail ain’t exactly right!

    I may have overthought you guys usage of that line. And also the fact there’s no phased plasma rifle in the 50 watt range for Kyle.

    I kinda like the idea of these badasses all heading off on push bikes too!

     



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  • From JayDee on January 11, 2021

    Part eight – This is a really fun part! I remember the first time I read it, my feedback was “fun part” and that still holds true! Keep going guys, this is a strong first arc.

    Some random other thoughts -

    Notice a bit of a Firefly echo there – “and if she was lucky”. I mean, at least they’re not making clothing out of her :D

    I guessed dream sequence -nightmares totally make sense after what she went through – but I did wonder if they’re enhanced/worse as a result of the demon scratches she got before? Poor Cindy tho’ just trying to help! Chun Lis are like horses – you don’t approach them from a kickable angle if you might startle ‘em.

    Debate in the centre of the mind! The ol’ Venom symbiote can be a fun character. I liked how it also didn’t have a fuckin’ clue what was going on in the zombie world. I’ve only read a few comics with venom to be fair, but definitely cooler to see characters I know I guess – I think that’s probably something that applies to a lot of fan works?

    I liked the funeral. It’s the kind of thing people would have – at least at this stage, where there are still enough of them in civilised enough state to mourn the dead. That line about the thing still moving as it went in the incinerator was pretty cool. Also that line about not being able to remember the kid’s name – she barely knew him, then he was dead. Felt appropriate but also a good line.

    One thing that didn’t get me before, I think because I read the chapters closer together, but the way in alternative sentences it refers to Ash by her real name of Eliza, then as Ash. Then back again. It took me a second to remember it was all one person!

    Then on to… infected meat! I mean uh, Tania. That feeling of movement under her skin, and flicking back to the description of the ‘strange black liquid’ the knife went in – getting some Prometheus  flashbacks here. Can she run in a non-straight line?

    …or is it just some kind of morning sickness? I read on, and see it’s probably both.

    Great description of Bathory’s stretched buttons. Ahem.

    The whole birthing sequence was brutal! Very well described. It had a really twisted eroticism to it, very much helped by Bathory’s voyeuristic gaze. Probably the high point of the violence so far in the story, and heck, if eating someone else means you’re one of the bad guys in this story she might even have had it coming.

    Then, that straight up hilarious line “thing!” from Bathory. She might be twisted and evil, but she has a damn good sense of humor.

    …just me then.

    And, eep. This critter’s escaped. Well. Someone else is gonna get eaten down there then.



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  • From JayDee on January 04, 2021

    Chapter seven

    There’s a line early on, about ignoring the cold and listening to the city’s nightmare chorus that is just beautifully atmospheric. Lovely line.

    Also, Isabeau’s description of seeing Chun Li in the shower – that’s some good shit! Really nice description of her. Sexy and strong, just like Chun Li.

    I like the starting subtlety of Isabeau’s very old fashioned attitude to race and how it becomes quickly more blatant. It starts with the mention of oriental/Orientals which could easily be missed, then drops the ol’ n-word, and mick and it’s “Oh, right, yeah. She’s from the 19th century. Or possibly 21st century MAGA forums.” There was a fuckton of anti-semitism back then, too. I mean, she does get on with the uncover Nazi…

    More great description of just the smell of going into the room with the corpse and the corpse eating puppeted Natalia.

    That point about using hollow points in the bunker made sense – long as something properly armoured doesn’t get down there!

    …something properly armoured is gonna get down there, isn’t it?

    Harry finally rises again!

    Finally, loved that “put some clothes on” last line. Hilarious after the violence.

    Definitely more action the last couple parts, but that isn’t putting down the earlier parts in the bunker!



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  • From InvidiaRed on January 02, 2021

    Fascinating, Ya'll aren't afraid to kill off characters. To be fair, Harry was never going to survive a setting that isn't afraid to show gore and bloody murder.

    As for the restless dead. Its fascinating



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  • From JayDee on December 31, 2020

    Part 6

    Gotta say this is the part I am really super happy you didn’t go with an 11 year old Harry Potter. Super glad. Fun part though! Spoilers ahead.

    Well, action heavy part! That hope spot in the vent worked really well, with Natalia thinking she’d managed to avoid it only to get it dropping down from above. The whole section had a really good visual horror movie/monster movie feel. And she manages to solve the other Black Widow’s problem at the end, which is surely a spot of luck! One spider-named character down already!

    The critter from the vents – hadn’t realised the similarities when InBrightestDay first sent this part to me, but later on I was surprised to find out the inspiration apparently wasn’t DC Comics physically similar superheroine sex kitten ‘Guts’ from the newer version of Garth Ennis’ superhero team Section 8!

    The sex scene was hot here- shit, this was super hot! Re-reading it I didn’t do it enough justice with my original comment, Harry just being fucked to exhaustion by this big-assed woman who can’t get enough. Pure sexy porn – and yes, I did enjoy when she started feeding on him. Very well described, particularly liked the way she just tore into his arm. Honestly, he kind’ve had it coming getting things on with a woman called ‘Black Widow’. It was pretty hot how she basically fucked him to exhaustion first tho – reading this gave me the same thought from earlier, is he infected from the knife gunk, and if so is she now infected from his infected meat? Which I guess is a ‘read on to find out’ or a ’just shout infected meat a lot, it works for me’

    Gotta have gratuitous shower scenes in horror… I mean, it’s a rule or something.

    I still say she was lucky in Harry’s body not re-animating as soon as was dead and going straight for her, the meal biting back, while she was chewing! And also lucky in having the guts-infested Black Widow show up just after she’s been thinking body disposal. Zombies monsters! The easy clean up solution. But, yeah, lucky over all? Maybe not.

    “Infected meat! Infected meat!”



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  • From JayDee on December 23, 2020

    Chapter 5

    Sadly disappointing but typical of AFF that people are reading each part and not leaving reviews. Then they wonder why folks don’t bother writing more. Seriously, if other readers are seeing this, leave a dang review for these guys.

    Ah well. Sure, this chapter was again slower but still a good read!

    SPOILER BITS of review

    By all rights, Carol Marcus jerking off a bound zombie shouldn’t be hot. But, fuck it. It was hot. Bathory watching and keeping things ‘clinical’ probably helped. Goddamn why’d Ash have to come bursting in and interrupt – although, yeah, Carol’s reaction to being caught milking that dude was pretty funny. Ash’s ‘what the fuck’ also pretty funny.

    The mention of Makoto’s eyes being bright green as an oddity – jab at the Sailor Moon character design giving a Japanese girl green eyes? Or to how some of the nazi doctors (as Bathory is in the game) going in for fucked up eye based experiments?

    The whole aspect of the brains just being like relays for the outside force – that was imaginative! It also helps explain things like being able to get erect without the normal blood/working erectile tissue, as the outside influence works on the zombies. Some dude, drops dead, starts walking around like a zombie remote controlled by evil.

    Nat actually pointing out crawling around in ducts makes a lot of noise was a heck of a good point. My thought reading it first time was that there’s probably something in there causing the smell that’ll attack Black Widow and reduce the story’s spider-named character count. Can’t wait to see if it happens like I remember!

    How is it Sailor Jupiter’s magic doesn’t work but Harry’s does? I don’t know a lot about Sailor Moon so I’m guessing it is something to do with them being in another plain of existence from the planet, while Harry’s type of magic allows him to manipulate local energies still?

    D’oh over the spoon in the microwave! You wouldn’t know, though, if nobody told you. That out of order note also amusing.  Re-reading Makoto and Isabeau’s discussion here I found their relationship really quite sweet, with the tough old fashioned warrior and the schoolgirl doing what she can to help.

     

     



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  • From JayDee on December 15, 2020

    Part 4! SPOILER HEAVY REVIEW Un-spoiler bit – seriously, read this fuckin’ thing. It’s dead good. S’got Chun Li in it.

     

    So, yeah, it’s very much a ‘getting to know you’ chapter with a decent bit of scene setting on the bunker, the characters, and the foreboding mentioned Doctor – I mentioned before I played Bloodrayne back in the day so I do recall the bitch. And being a character intro chapter is no bad thing – these folks are important, and go on to really matter! Generally speaking.

    The line about being the cargo refusing to shut up no matter how much they kicked it was damn good, funny shit, laughed again the second time reading it.

    I’m a bit of a Terminator 1 Kyle fan here so whoo! I think you guys made a real good character choice there (…well foreshadowed in the previous part with his line :p But, no, he mighta said something similar to one of the others…) And, you know, the dude dying is part of his basic mythos so probably wouldn’t feel too hard on me as a reader if he did bite it.  

    I didn’t think about characters getting scratched before, but with that mention there it made me wonder first time round if Chun Li could also have some kind of infection. I have a flashback to the old Dario Argento ‘Demons’ movies! One scratch, and bad dentistry develops pretty quickly…

    Other thought I had was the way it referred back to her traumatic experience, the painful shifting and that, and then wanting a shower was pretty effective. Also pretty good way she referred to the way people die there. Some great bit of writing on that in character call back.

    And, well, Harry’s off with a girl. A girl hitting on him! A girl, she says, some call Black Widow. Sexy times incoming, is the implication! 



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  • From JayDee on December 09, 2020

    Part 3! YET MORE SPOILERS IN REVIEW, READERS, COS I LIKE TELLING WRITERS WHAT STUFF I LIKED. Oop capslock.

     

    So, super unexpected Harry Potter! Will he be “the boy that lived?” Or has he already infected himself with whatever the fuck was on that knife he used, ready to turn horrific in the middle of some four eyed fuck scene? I guess I’ll find out! Come to that, April O’Neill is a pretty old school surprise too! I used to watch the cartoons so much as a kid.

     

    Loved the action sequence with the zombie attack and then the gun-led rescue -the action scenes are really strong so far in this. See, this part definitely doesn’t quiet down too much!

     

    Also thought this version of Black Widow’s teasing Harry physically and verbally was pretty fun. Good interactions there! Harry’s got kinda a Sir Mix-a-lot feeling going on it seems like.

     

    ‘nother spider-named character – Is this also an “Into the Spider Verse” type fanfic? :p

    That spider-cast webbing arrival at the end was also  pretty badass – I really liked Chun Li’s stomp!

    She is not showing any mercy to those flying fucks.

     

    ‘Come with us if you want to live’ …a Terminator reference! Good solid couple of films. Probably for the best they never made any more sequels.

     

    Harry noting the Sorceress’ “positively gigantic breasts” is a) a pretty solid reminder he’s a teenage boy and b) a pretty solid reminder that the designers of her game just went all out there.

     

    Just generally so far the first three chapters have been good at introducing the characters, like the ones I know fairly well and the ones I’m way less familiar with.

     

    Something that’s occurred to me now – you’ve got a fairly detailed summary which tells folks about what kind of story it is but doesn’t really let them in on the fandoms that would draw in some readers. It might be worth seeing if you can cut it down to, say, half length and listing a few of the characters or sources with more major roles – your Chun Lis and so on. This is just from a perspective that some readers on here give a lot more time to something with a character they know (and about equal wait to a fetish tag they like. It was Harry Potter fans that made me think of it. Though it’s tailed off a lot they still read just about anything. One of my best reviewed stories had Harry fucked to death by the possessed corpse of a friend. And a sex dwarf. Though, this being the games subdomain folks might imagine the Lego version of Harry and then, dear god, it goes from fun to nightmare. But certainly the other major characters… could be worth it.



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  • From JayDee on December 05, 2020

    Chapter 2!

    Still highly recommending this story to any readers checking the reviews!

    SPOILERS IN REVIEW

    The physicality of the opening two paragraphs really works, kind of gooey/messy but also solid description of Chun Li’s body and the lasting effects of the fight/rape. I think I musta not read it so closely first-time round, ‘cos damn! Good work there.

    Something I didn’t ask before – had they been keeping the other woman alive because they didn’t have a replacement and this was why they raped her to death and ate her now, or ws it just coincidence that it happened when Chun Li had been captured? It did read like they had already been super rough with her so that suggests more coincidence I guess?

    Absolutely best part of the chapter was the Chun Li/Cindy/Demon fight. It felt like Chun Li absolutely doing what she can do, and Cindy holding back the demon’s arms ‘til she crushed the wind pipe was pretty epic.

    Second high point was the descriptions of swinging through the city – absolutely fluid and really came across well.

    The gangrape plus eating of the other woman also had a good sense of horror to it. Very much a feeling that avoiding the zombies down below only delays being lunch.

    Bit of a shame that Capcom didn’t put Darkstalkers in the Street Fighter universe, or Chun Li would have a better idea of zombies!

    That radioactive spider reaction got kinda a “fair reaction” followed by “but then again, didn’t Blanka get bit by a radioactive Brazillian? …no, no he didn’t. Stupid JD.” Reaction from me.

    Ending up running into someone else’s web was a pretty funny touch too – I’m not familiar with that character at all. I read a few of the Spinerette webcomics a few years ago, which kind of took the piss out of superhero and spiderman tropes (Spinerette’s web did not come from her wrists…) but didn’t know there was a similarly named actual super-character!

    Oh, last thought! Dialogue felt good and natural.

     



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  • From JayDee on November 27, 2020

    Sorry for the delay in adding a review!  As I mentioned on the forum and told InBrightestDay previously I did really enjoy both the arcs I’ve read.  Some great action scenes and some great sex bits, and, yes, some gory bits that tended to feel more horror-movie-cinematic than the kind of third rate guro shite I put out. You both oughta be pretty damn proud and I highly recommend this story to anybody who fancies it, starting with the first part up now!

    I do think that you guys probably ought to have an author’s note citing the influence of Deathstalker on the original concept – I left the other site to avoid seeing pictures illegal in my jurisdiction before DS really got going on his story, but I remember enough of both versions to recognise a few elements pretty similar in the opening chapter here to DS’s Chun Li part, the flying demon and the rape especially echoing. Just my two cents. Said the same thing to InBrightestDay! (my exact words were ‘Wowser, not fucking around with that Deathstalker influence huh?’ which is me being, well, me.)

    Chapter One! -SPOILERS IN REVIEW WARNING

    It is fuckin’ creepy. The zombie descriptions are pretty hardcore – ‘specially that zombie little girl (shades of that 2004 version of Dawn of the Dead with waking up to the zombified neighbour girl) – and in general the description is great – that hand out of the car going for her leg!

    I loved the kicked to the knee – I get this is the animated movie canon, but when I was first reading this it sort of reminded me of how the first Street Fighter II release Chun Li was very heavily around kicking, although she did have punches – she didn’t even have a projectile attack to start with! The spinning bird kick through a crowd of zombies would probably be awesome but impractical – what you guys have here works great.

    On the pornographic side, Chun Li blushing thinking about thinking about the signs of the sex zombies was kind of cute, while the descriptions of the bulges and stains is hot. Yeah, I’m all sorts of broken.

    Another thing – the way it goes from literally a normal day, working out, going to a shower, and in a single step she’s elsewhere. No way back. That also came across really well.

    Also my original comment to InBrightestDay when the sample shown was just up to get going upwards: “Making for the roof – generally a sensible option! Well, unless there’s a flying dude up there like in the VG characters version of the story that DS re-wrote into Cosplay Babes.” When I was sent the rest I followed up “Nailed it I guess! Flying dude!” heh.

    This bit here, “It didn’t make any sense. It was like the city had been built in separate pieces, by different people with no idea what each other were doing, and then all mashed together without any concern for how it could actually function.”

    Got a very Dark City image there! It gives a strong impression that it isn’t just random people brought to this place, it is whole city blocks. Just the city in general works really well as a setting, even here in part 1.

    Besides the wings the gargoyle does seem different to how I remember DS’s demonic take – and the scene also reads different showing it’s your own take on it all – I think it was a lot rougher in DS’s version and Chun Li didn’t get to put up such a fight.

    Little things like the black blood, the ‘greyish goo’ do help emphasize the critter’s inhuman nature.

    As brutal rape scenes go, that one’s pretty brutal, but it is awesome that Chun Li keeps on fighting, and that. There’s some impact later in the story too, which I’ll not cover for this part comments, but that does make it less of a gratuitous-for-the-evil scene. Well, kinda. Some folks just like seeing their favourite characters brutally balled by rape demons. But, at the end, she’s glaring and pissed, not broken. Bad ass Chun Li.

    Looking forward to re-reading the rest and I hope you folks do get some more reviews. Unfortunately getting reviews is not easy here. I got some stories with tens of thousands of views/hits over the last decade or so, and single figure reviews. How it goes. Write for the pleasure not the feedback I guess!



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