Selective Masochism

BY : RandomJaz
Category: +M through R > Pokemon
Dragon prints: 628
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters, nor do I profit from this fanfiction.

I could hear her heartbeat, loud and hurried, as she bounced in my lap with the side of my face pressed to her chest. Clinging to me desperately Misty had her fingers curled in my hair with a vice grip as if stopping my motions will kill her. Her pleasured gasps and moans filled the air around us but my eyes are fixed on the wall, unwilling to see her. Her pores were seeping pheromones as she reacted to my body, but I couldn't smell them. All I could smell was her sweat.

"Ash...A-Ah..."

Holding on with white knuckled grip I guided Misty's movements and pushed back against her grinding pelvis hoping she finished soon. Willing myself to stay erect I clenched my teeth in determination, thrusting up in to her with enough force to toss her off me if my fingers weren't bruising her hips. Naturally my genitals reacted to her silky insides but my mind just rejected her body completely. Gary's face flashed through my mind so impulsively and it really becomes all the more clear to me that I'm in the wrong bed barking up the wrong tree.

If her eyes were open she'd see my face contorted in distress but as far as she knew I was absolutely enjoying myself how she was...because she'd been given absolutely no reason to think otherwise. The guilt I carried for that was more nauseating than it was painful, I felt like scum.

Misty didn't know where I went when she wasn't around, nor did she know I ran to him. I ran to him with such desperation. Like I couldn't imagine the world around him, I was whole heartily attached to Gary. I just wasn't ready to accept that. He knew about Misty and it shamed me deeply. I wanted him so badly...but I was with a woman trying to prove to myself I could be something I'll never be.

My pelvis muscles ached furiously, and for a second I thought I was going to lose it. But, her walls clamped down on me and fluttered soothingly, pulling my release from me. It was powerful, but the orgasm felt empty and lackluster, my afterglow quickly fermenting to nausea. Unable to bring myself to stay beneath her any longer I tossed her to lay on the mattress. Get her off my body as quickly as I could.

I sat up catching my breath, globs of saliva filling my mouth as my stomach threatened to churn. A cold chill wracked my body in warning and all I can do was hold my breath to will it away but the sweat leaking from my face forewarned the inevitable.

"Hn..."

"Ash...whats wrong?"

Trying my best to fight, I tensed and took breathes almost robotically. Of course robots can't breathe so that did not get me far. Her presence was too potent and it was if she'd poisoned me. The smell of her sweat could not compare to the smell of her arousal or sex, her sensual musk hitting my nostrils like putrid odor, and my stomach could handle no more. I'd had enough. Hand clamped over my mouth I bolted to the bathroom and expelled her from my body. The reality of it could no longer be denied. I couldn't do this, not anymore. Her natural perfumes were revolting, shooing me away like vermin.

"Ash! Are you alright?"

Her worried voice carried through to door as I vomited in to the porcelain and all I could do to hold up the rude by its crumbling ends was mumble that " I'm okay", assuring her dinner just sat with me wrong. With eyes shut and chest heaving I could see her face in my mind, and she's so beautiful. But, to my misfortune, she's just not for me. And she never would be.

Toothbrush viciously scraping my teeth, I refused to look at my own reflection as I brushed. I could taste the bile lingering at the back of my throat but it was nothing. The real problem was that her smell is stuck to me, threatening to trigger my gag reflex all over again.

The water in the shower did little to soothe me as I rubbed layer upon layer of soap in to my skin. Hands shaking furiously, I washed the remnants of her off of me before dressing to go home with promises of nursing my stomachache. Her lips grazed my cheek soothingly at the door before she reluctantly accepted I was leaving, but the touch set my skin crawling and I left quickly while doing my best to ignore the dejected expression upon her face.

Riding my bike home I embraced the night air hitting me and blowing through my clothes. The cool breeze wafted by me, carrying leaves with it and sweet smells of Autumn. Like the world outside Misty's apartment was a world I hadn't seen in ages, suddenly I could breathe with such relief. Fully, I could breathe again and my heart, body and soul rejoiced.

In my newfound relief his face came to mind... and I smiled despite myself. My stomach flutters, but pleasurably this time. But just as quickly as it had happened, the butterfree in my stomach abruptly stop fluttering and drown miserably. The reality was longer deniable, I couldn't run from it anymore. I was gay.

There was no changing it.

My bike rushed down a steep hill and the adrenaline empowered me, stirring up feelings of freedom as my racing thoughts locked on to Gary's face. For a brief moment, I envisioned what it'd be like to leave behind the lie I lived with Misty...for that brief moment I felt relieved. Racing through the night and to my apartment I allowed myself to dream. Then once I was there it's all clear to me. I was sure of it, I was going to make things right. For Misty, for Gary and for myself. Who deserved it the most was still a mystery to me. I'd done wrong to us all.

The relief I felt from my outdoor epiphany quickly dwindled once I had made it to the door of my studio apartment. My home wasn't anything special, just a simple studio apartment where I ran to when I couldn't face Misty or Gary. The small living space was far more depressing than I had ever realized. Walking in I glumly set my bike to lean against a wall and placed my sneakers next to it. My phone buzzed in my pocket so I checked it, not surprised to see Gary's name on my screen.

Hey

How'd your special night go?

What do you think?

...Sorry. Just asking.

You okay?

I'll live.

What happened?

Reflecting back on my horrible post copulation reaction, I cringed and found myself unable to respond to his question. Sliding my phone back in my pocket I sighed and looked down at the floor aggravated. As happy as I was to be away from Misty and come to terms with what was really going on, I couldn't help shake the anxiety I felt once actually realizing that it was time to fix the mess I was wrapped up in. It became way too real that I actually had to do something. It was easier to accept while I was outside and feeling liberated as I hurried away from her house. Realizing the truth about who I am of course was a huge development...but where did that leave Misty? Where would it take her?

The poor girl.

It was obvious she liked me growing up but it hadn't been so obvious to me that females didn't interest me the way they supposedly should have. When Misty initiated a relationship a year back, I had gone with it. Even after pubescent years of questioning myself, I simply jumped in to it because it was "right". She's had no reason to suspect something was wrong...but, that may have changed after my little scene in her bedroom.

After months of her hinting that she was interested in sex, there came a point that I couldn't pretend to miss her advances. She insisted we have sex for our one-year anniversary. Instead of doing the right thing and coming clean, I went along with it. So, of course, it ended horribly. Grabbing my head in frustration I stood there, no longer feeling any positivity about coming to terms with my sexuality. I had slept with Misty, led her along for a year, and now I had to end it...plus, tell Gary what had taken place.

Gary had been around shortly before my relationship with the water trainer had started. He had no problem openly admitting to being gay and it had never been a problem with me, I just didn't know how to cope with my own sexuality. I had always assumed I was straight and couldn't give up on the hope that one day it would click and I'd wake up liking women. Few times I had brought up concern over my uncertainty, and Gary listened with open ears but never pressed me to "pick a team" or persuade me towards either one.

After growing out of out of the childish competitive phase of our youth, we became friends quite easily, hanging out in Pallet after my journey to be the greatest Pokémon master was placed on the back burner. We became so close that we trusted each other with spare keys. I decided to pause my journey and so did Gary, but he on the other hand took his experience and used it towards becoming a professor like his grandfather. I was proud of him, and also jealous. He had his life together. He knew who he was from day one.

Although he had built a history of treating me poorly during childhood, his infamous snarky attitude had calmed down significantly over the years. That familiar attitude of his only surfacing when he was upset or annoyed. Only certain things really set it off, that I had learned late.

I had never noticed his special fondness of me until it was painfully obvious. He found out Misty and I were a new item and avoided me for a week. He later explained it away as a busy schedule but the excuse never quite sat right with me. It had been clear he was displeased, constantly frowning and turning sour whenever Misty called or dropped by. Gary had a bad habit of wearing his heart on his sleeve when something really bothered him.

He always calmed down and apologized for his behavior after going back to his normal more tame self, but the incidents always left me feeling kind of hurt that he had been so quick to turn on me and not offer an explanation as to why. Being the oblivious dumb ass I'm notoriously known for being, one day I had confronted him about it, completely unaware that he was so passive aggressive because of his actual feelings.

xxxxx

"Hey what's your problem anyway? You okay, man?"

Gary shrugged in response, casting an annoyed glance at me. I had just hung up the phone after answering Misty's call. We'd been hanging out at the Oak residence, namely his home.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why would you even ask me that?"

The brunette retorted stiffly, scowling as he turned to look at me with piercing green eyes. They were slightly narrowed with gaze disproving and bitter, like he had casted his eyes upon something he just barely tolerate in silence. In response, I scratched his neck nervously . Stomach knotted, looked away slightly, afraid of offending Gary. The older brunette sat in an office chair by his computer desk, facing me from where I sat on his bed.

"Well, you're kind of acting pissy...you've been doing that a lot lately-"

"Whatever." Gary deadpanned, swiveling his chair back to face his laptop.

At that, I blanched. A few blinks and I struggled to process what was bothering. So, I thought back on the last thing I'd done before his personality had shifted so abruptly.

"Look, if you're upset because I pick up when Misty calls, I'm sorry..." I began apologizing, assuming Gary was upset because Misty's calls interrupted their guy time. "I didn't realize you cared so much, really."

Gary's shoulders tensed slightly and he almost immediately became defensive. Continuing his aggressive typing he kept his back to me.

"I don't care what you do with her, she's your girlfriend." the brunette forced the word through his teeth almost venomously. " Why would I care?"

"Dude, seriously. What's up? You're really starting to worry me."

Gary made no move to turn around or even acknowledge that I had spoken. I tried getting his attention, but Gary carried on as I wasn't there. This time around, I couldn't repress the hurt feelings that began to eat away at me. It grew in to something bigger than I was prepped for.

Already stressed out over the confusion of my sexuality floating around my frazzled head constantly, and feeling particularly sensitive, Gary had just pressed the wrong button and hurt my already very vulnerable feelings. Eyes watering, I forced himself to get up and leave. I began to walk past Gary but the older abruptly ceased his typing and held his arm out to block my way. He was completely unaware that I was moments away from tears.

"I think it's best I leave now." I mumbled, straining my voice not to reveal any indication that Gary's actions had upset me so harshly. "Excuse me..."

Gary's arm stayed where it was and he looked up at me to apologize. He then found himself extremely caught off guard as I stood above him with a glum expression and puddled brown eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry-" Gary began, but I didn't want to hear it.

I couldn't handle it. I was going to break.

"I'm just gonna go now."

Before I could make my exit Gary caught my arm in his hand to stop me from leaving. The sudden movement set off a startle response in me. It resulted in my walls falling faster than I could process. I gasped from the initial jump response and promptly choked up, repressed stress surfacing instantly. Gary flew out of his chair in concern and tried to apologize again, but I just insisted helplessly that I should go.

"Gary, just let me go!"

The older teen refused to let me go.

I began crying from both embarrassment and frustration. Suddenly, there were hands on my wet cheeks. I was forced to look up at Gary who stood in front of me, his eyes inspecting me. I could immediately clearly see the remorse on Gary's face for acting so rudely, even through the tears.

I expected Gary to apologize, which he did. What I hadn't expected was Gary to pulled me in to a kiss. His lips had felt wonderful... relief upon contact. Gary's mouth felt soft, nice...and right. Unlike Misty's, his lips felt right when they touched mine.

The shock of it all made my crying intensify, but I held on to the man kissing me as if I'd never been shown any affection my entire life. The guilt of what I'd done began setting in afterwards, but for a moment the world around me stopped. It had been so peaceful. That day had set everything in motion.

I wasn't sure at that point in time if it was worth it.

xxxxxx

I was such an idiot.

I could only bring myself to leave my thoughts when a gentle little hand patted my shin curiously. Looking down I was faced with Pikachu who blinked up at me worriedly.

"Pika pi?" he questioned, whining softly.

"I'm fine Pikachu. Are you hungry? " I asked him. "Want some food?"

He nodded and I fetched a can of Pokémon food, filling a plate with it and setting it on the kitchen counter. Pikachu ate the food, filling his cheeks cutely as he chewed. Watching him eat, I leaned against the counter smiled briefly as I patted his head. A sad expression must have come across my face because suddenly he looked at me curiously.

He tilted his head, one ear twitching. I encouraged him to finish his food and he did exactly that. But still, my beloved Pokémon insisted on figuring out what was wrong with me. I wasn't right, Pikachu could sense me breaking loose at the seams.

My phone buzzed again and I knew it was Gary but I ignored it.

When Pikachu finished eating I left his dirty dish the counter and plopped myself on my bed. Laying there with him on my chest, stroking his fur absentmindedly, I found myself beginning to feel that familiar turmoil bubbling in my stomach. Pikachu's furry hand tapped my chin but I continued patting him comfortingly until he drifted off, myself following soon after from my growing fatigue. Exhausted mentally and physically from the events of the day, I fell in to a restless sleep, only to be woken up by the soft sound of key's jingling as my front door was unlocked.

xxxxx

       



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