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Reviews for Zexen Lust

By : BlackSerpent
  • From ANON - Kana on July 13, 2006
    Oh. My. God. They're so hot
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  • From ANON - k on January 21, 2006
    yuck
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  • From ANON - D\'Ananynan on November 25, 2003
    Before I get started, I apologize in advance for any inconvenience and/or distress this review may cause you. Because I will be brutally honest.

    This fic started out fairly well... but it very rapidly went downhill. For starters, some of the terminology used in this fic has been until this moment unbeknownst to me. For instance, jizz, globes as a reference to ass, stud juice, wads of cum, volleys of cum, meaty pole and tool as a reference to cock. Similarly, if you have any regard whatsoever for the sanity of your readers, you will exercise some semblance of taste in your writings. For example, do not use the word “nuts” in reference to a man’s testicles. It is slang and it is somewhat of a turnoff. Other words such as “dick”, “butt”, “blow” in reference to coming, “shooting” and “load” in reference to coming, “bou“bouncing” in reference to muscles. Perhaps try to cut down on using sexual terminology in your fics if you find it necessary to use words such as “globes.” Concentrate more on feeling.

    Here’s an example of good smut:
    http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=6264

    In terms of spelling, things were fairly good, except “thrusted” should be “thrust.” The structure of your fic could use a bit of work, though. Every time a different person speaks, you MUST start a new paragraph for them. It’s a basic law of writing. It also makes it a lot easier for the reader.

    So this was your first lemon? Hmm… in all honesty, I was highly disturbed by it. This was mainly due to the use of the aforementioned terms, which I wouldn’t even find appropriate to use in everyday speech. Keep trying, and remember – tasteful writing is the key.

    Oh, and one more thing – please don’t waste your time emailing me about how offended you are. I already know you will be.

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