Adult-FanFiction.org : Games

Reviews for First Rule Of Stealing a Kiss

By : Sabulana

From VampireHaku on March 18, 2008
Oh and I just read CSkerries or wahtevers comment. Way to harsh, enjoy the reading~. Forget reviews liek that :).
Report Review
From VampireHaku on March 18, 2008
Now THAT was hot *mischevious smirk*
Report Review
From ANON - ~GMB~ on February 12, 2006
This is horribly written, your spelling and grammar are way off! you should redo this story.

Though I did enjoy some of it...In order for me to really enjoy it though, you need to do some corrections

GoodMorningBeautiful2005

Report Review
From ANON - Autumn on July 08, 2005
AWSOME I LOVE IT!!!!!! YAY LEMONS AND MORE LEMONS :)
Report Review
From ANON - CSkerries on March 14, 2005
That's beautiful. I just LOVE how my supported disagreement with the premises in your fiction got translated into deliberately insulting you, Sab. Notice: supported, and not simply left at "OMGWFTBBQ you suxx0rs because this fic suXxors!!!" This is not to say that I didn't expect you to respond at all. However, there IS a reason I left my name AND email address, and that reason is to give you the chance to respond and rant at me PRIVATELY, if you wished. That's fine if you want to use your public review board as a forum, just don't expect prompt replies.

For your information, if I actually DID think that you were a "stupid bitch," to quote yourself, and not capable of improving, I wouldn't have spent time on this review in particular giving you an honest review, going over it and the fic to try and soften the questioning. My review was, in fact, an example of me attempting not to be harsh, and I DON'T consider a review informing you of only spelling mistakes to be particularly helpful. Again, it's fine if you really WANT this review board to be turned into a forum, but I'm not going to go into more detail now unless I know you want to argue in public.
Report Review
From ANON - Tendrilrake on March 12, 2005
Dude I loved it!!! Especial the ending with Samos!!! And youa re a brilliant writter! Don't ever think diffent 'cause I will cry if you stop writting!!! Anyways i'd better stop with the exlimation marks... Loved the story, very original! ^-^
Report Review
From ANON - Sabulana on January 08, 2005
In resopnse to a comment about the spelling mistakes in this story: I spell check my work before posting but it didn't pick up those spelling mistakes and I never actually type that bad anyway usually. I know I'm not the world's best author and I don't care if you don't like my fanfics. That makes two of us. I would like to apologise for the spelling mistakes though and I will correct them when I decide to rewrite this peice of shit. It will probably end up like the original version I wrote by hand though. I think even that was better and that was the rough draft. >_<

Also, can I just say one more thing? You don't have to be so harsh about it if you don't like the story. A little niceness goes a long way, y'know. Though I do appreciate that you pointed out the spelling mistakes. Though...I'm not sure when -I- meant any more. Oh well...just more proof that Sabby is a stupid bitch...
Report Review
From ANON - CSkerries on December 14, 2004
Is it too much to ask that you proofread your finished pieces PROIR to posting? I think, at the least, a mistake that rips off the subject of one of your sentences should have been caught before posting. Really, some of the spelling mistakes make Torn sound like he has extra body parts to spare or something, because I'm not wholely sure what a "wainstinstead" or "thwbonwbone" is in relation to anatomy, and it doesn't appear to be in any dictionary I have. Although, having body parts to spare when dealing with Dark Jak might not be a bad thing when you think about it.

Wow, they just went into bed without much of a how-do, didn't they? I'm impressed that you didn't go for the whole "overemphasizing thought processes" thing, but they still just started the sex thing without pause. I see that Torn's still working out of Samos' basement, so I can assume this is DURING Jak2, right? Doesn't Jak still have that little crush on Keira at this point in time? How does he go from straight to kinky without even a breath between the two, or even the slightest hestitation? From a guy who spent two years in prison enduring torture and a distinct lack of human contact, all caused by Torn's former employer. Huh. I believe some more explaination here is needed for why Jakko is so adept and bold at foreplay, too, because he wouldn't have learned it in prison.

So, translating the typos and all, you have Torn pulling off Jak's tunic BEFORE he even gets his shoulder harness? Dude, if that's what I think you meant then I also think you made a wee bit of mistake there. I don't see how Jakko's shirt can be taken off without the harness going first.

Oh, whoa. The more homicidal part of Jakko comes "out to play" and Torn's perfectly alright with this? Not a shred of discomfort, having those claws so close to the genitalia? Ah, I get it now. Your story must take place sometime in the middle of their "relationship," right? That would explain why you felt that building a foundation for a solid relationship could be skipped altogether, and the fact that Dark Jak can pop out in the middle of sex is considered normal: Jak und Torn must have done something like this before, eh? Those kinky Underground rebels/fugitives. XD I hope Torn has some concern to spare for what those claws must have done INSIDE his body, too. Last I heard, having rectal tears was a severe health risk, anduh, the fact that no lubricant was used (you can't SERIOUSLY think that the proposed amount of saliva was sufficient enough for the task at hand) would only exacerbate his little problem. Not to mention that the lack of it should have made the sex really, really, excruciatingly painful. Jeebus. Torn'll be feeling THAT in the morning.

Or NOT, seeing what his reaction was on aforementioned morning. Weird. He sure healed up nice and fast, despite having Dark Jak's claws digging into him the whole time But at least Torn had the sense to use some sort of lubricant. See? He's not an ex-KG for nuthin', yo.

I don't see how OMG!!HAWTBUTTSECKS!!!11!1! translates into indying love and affection for each other. It... just doesn't, especially in examples like your story. Having HAWTSECKS!!!1, even minus the "BUTT," doesn't make up for developing a foundation for a relationship, you know. I REEEALLY don't wanna go into a shpiel about how people DO make lasting relationships, because it can be QUITE complicated, but keep in mind that men don't view sex in the same way women do. Scratching an itch, which seems to be the case in this story, given how quickly they were thrown together, doesn't necessarily develope the connection born of COMMUNICATION and TRUST that two people need to have.

If this was a shortie WITHOUT that mushy scene at the end of it, I could have ignored this fic. But to have Jak AND Torn acting like virgins after their first night of luvvy sex is so seriously OOC that it makes me ashamed to like yaoi at all, even when written tastefully.
Report Review
From AyaJeanneBeck on August 27, 2004
*Claps* I'm not a true Torn/Jak fan, but I can say I like how this story ended out. Congrats
Report Review
From ANON - Elin on August 16, 2004
Very estiesting story ^-^ Write more XD
Report Review
From ANON - sheero on April 18, 2004
^________________________^ yay... i didnt know you had adult Fan fiction. *purrs in corner* ish very happy... you really need to write more jak II yaoi... *gives carrots to the plot bunnies*

~sheero
Report Review
From ANON - Gir on April 14, 2004
wow! i luv this fic. you have a talent, that you do.
Report Review
From ANON - Dark Siren on April 07, 2004
xD So good! ;.; Write more TornxJak ficcies, because I'm too lazy to write one myself >.>... I need some kind of inspiration, dammit. Erol isck ick in my head for some reason o.o... ^^ I can't help it, I always love the evil rat bastards XD

o.o think I'm getting off-topic again.. geez, I am OOC today XD Normally for reviews, I just put "Write more! Write more! Write more! Write more!" or something along those very short, fangirlish lines..

Ehh o.o..

Okie, any problems with the fic? Few. I believe there were very little spelling errors, can't remember.. x.x Also, it happened kinda fast for me, like, there wasn't much description xD but that's okie, it's not like some other authors I've seen... >.> The lack of description wasn't enough to make me angry ^.^ I still love your fanfic(s) either way :D I gotta remember to review your Unaccepted fics at evil.. ugh.. that other place.. well, you know, because you have 'em there >D

Okie, byebye! ^^

DS
Report Review
From ANON - FluffyVampire on April 06, 2004
Whoo! Jak and Torn yaoi! Finally some lovin' for poor TornXD
Report Review
From ANON - LittleMissGothicChyld on March 27, 2004
Ahh. But she didn't did she?
Go you! Go you! Me likey... No! You're starting to make me like it more now... Damn you! I'll get you for this! I will! ... Dunno how but i will!
Report Review