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Reviews for Loving Lust

By : Akivasha
  • From ANON - volitair on August 23, 2006
    unholy ducks! that was good ,write more ,pleaaaaaaase!!! i'll give u a cookie if you do. ...... You know you want the cookie
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  • From ANON - new on July 03, 2006
    uhhh
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  • From ANON - Anon on December 26, 2005
    more more more!
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  • From ANON - Anon on November 18, 2005
    it was ok
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  • From ANON - Anon on November 17, 2005
    Continue please, it was awesome storie :D
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  • From ANON - person on October 26, 2005
    great, Do you play on the european servers, Avishaka?
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  • From ANON - Anon on September 25, 2005
    This is great! Add more. But be mpre specific....you know more detailed...and if possible add some odder things..naga Tauren undead and maybe some males and impregnation..just a thought
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  • From ANON - Quiet One on September 14, 2005
    Not a bad start to a story. I think you have a soild basis, but you have a few wrinkles to iron out. First, you need to separate your paragraphs. Second, make it clear when changing the point of veiw between characters.
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  • From ANON - Random Reviewer #453 on September 13, 2005
    Has some really good potential, but needs a lot of work. Paragraphs need to be set off better (one blank line), line breaks need to be used better (entire width instead of half of it), grammar needs to be checked (number agreement, subject-verb agreement, comma splices, improper contraction use, just to name a few. "A troll women" is a purely silly mistake and just distracts from the writing), and the descriptions need to be more detailed (if you're not going to bother with even so much as a direction a knife falls, take it out completely and just say "x wanders randomly").

    You've GOT it as far as writing goes, but you need to remember that your readers aren't privy to your thought patterns, and need to be catered to as far as layout.
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  • From ANON - Duladin on September 12, 2005
    Pretty nice, keep it up =)
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  • From ANON - Bluten on September 09, 2005
    I'll give you bonus points for the unconventional pairing, but please, pick up the knack for breaking things into paragraphs? As it is, it's very difficult to read.
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