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Reviews for Union

By : credfield
  • From KitWriter on January 25, 2010
    It's very sweet! The spelling mistakes, like "her husband TRUSTing into her" were very amusingly placed, and there's a few times where you forgot to add closing quotation marks BUT! I usually look passed that stuff because I've done it myself in the past. Not the end of the world. The sex was a little rushed, but then again virgins are known to pop off after just a few thrusts. I kinda' draw my stories out a little more with foreplay and touching and building of physical tension because I'm a very tactile person. However, it was sweet and I very much enjoyed it.

    You make the reader care about your characters, which is great. I felt bad, right away, seeing Chris and Jill in love... because you find out in RE5 that Jill is dead... I've not beaten it yet but it sucked to hear about it. D:

    It also sucked to see Chris going through hurt from it, visualizing her grave and looking pretty distraught. I'm kinda' hoping, that, at some point in the game, we'll learn she's not dead or something but... I have a feeling Capcom might have been brazen enough to actually do it to everyone's favorite heroine protagonist.

    Needless to say, while I was surprised to read of an RE story that lacks gore, you do have a bit of action in the beginning and you do a great job of building up... it was neat to see the whirlwind marriage and completely understandable in such a dystopian world with so much death around them... So... all in all, great job! Great love story. ^_^;

    LOL I won't go asking you to read mine or anything - I'm a little embarrassed by it since I typically don't write about the one thing I've got posted thusfar (It was by request) but yeah... IF you want to see how I build up sex with foreplay, that has a good example to go by. Especially with virgins, since the male in my story is also a virgin.

    Okay, keep up the good penmanship and keep an eye out for those spelling mistakes and re-read your work to make sure you've got punctuation properly deployed, like those closing quotation marks at the end of a spoken statement. You missed more than one. ;)


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  • From credfield75 on November 15, 2008
    Awwwwwwww, such a great story!!!
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