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Reviews for The Truth Shall Set You Free

By : lissatyger
  • From ANON - Anon on December 18, 2005
    I'm glad you decided to continue. I liked the last chapter even better than the first one. Update again soon, I can't wait to see what comes next.
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  • From ANON - Tenshi no ai on December 10, 2005
    So it is not finished?
    Then Im gladly waiting for updates ^^!
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  • From ANON - Anon on December 08, 2005
    This was very cute...and certainly very good for your first try! Like the previous reviewer said, the present tense was a bit awkward at times, but don't let that discourage you. Even if you decide to leave it the way it is this is a very good start. You managed to really capture both character's personalities and feelings, which (I think) is something often neglected in stories like these. I hope you continue this one, I definitely want to see what happens next.
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  • From Kouun on December 06, 2005
    This is looking really good so far, and I have to say that there's only one thing that's bothering me enough to write about it here. For the most part, you have written this story in a form that I call "descriptive movement" for lack of a better term, and it isn't the conventional form for narrative stories like this. Usually it something that is used in stage directions for a play. An example of what you're doing would be "He sits here and listens as the man speaks to him." That verb tense places the events in the exact present time period, and continously describes the movement of the characters (thus why I call it "descriptive movement"). This is fine for plays, but for pieces like this, a more traditional convention should be used, a type of past-present tense. In this tense, the example I gave before would become "He sat there and listened as the man spoke to him." Do you see the difference? I don't mean to be rude or offensive by any means, but this is something that alot of writers do, and it's really quite bothersome. I know that some people's minds see the action of a story as if it were a play, and that's what causes them to describe it in the "descriptive movement" tense. However, if you're going to do this, then the story should be written in a play format, and not a traditional story one. I'm sorry I'm being so picky about this, but it really does bother me, and you should take it as a compliment that I'm spending so much time harrassing your work haha ;3 I hope these suggestions were helpful, and if not, you're perfectly free to forget all about them. But I do hope you can see what I mean, and at least consider changing the tense. Because right now your story is pretty good, but why not take that extra step and make it great?
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