Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for NaruMitsu [untitled]

By : kidavi
  • From Mishizu on April 02, 2008
    Impressively gratuitous. I went from wondering how you got there to why everything of note self-lubricates to deciding to just ignore it in favour of reading through hot porn. Erm... I think this should be construed as a compliment within the constraints of the PWP genre and a note to point out the logic gap.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Kat on July 18, 2006
    You are a good writer. Good enough to covnince me you have a serious interest in writing. Definitely in the upper tier as far as fanfiction writers.

    It was hot, and that's clearly what you were going for. I also enjoyed the dialogue ... you were extremely precise with it. The descriptions and vocab were solid.

    That being said, this narrative style would only work in fanfiction. You are writing the story from Phoenix's Point-of-view, yet the descriptions kinda jump from being wordy, romantic and, well, fanfiction-y. Could you really imagine Phoenix saying, "Breathless from waves of euphoria, my rhythmic thrusts grew fervid" .... ? Ignoring the act itself, that really doesn't sound like Phoenix.

    But let me reiterate: Though that wouldn't work in a more serious piece of writing, it worked well in this fanfiction, which was PWP slash, while offering a peek at some real writing talent. Overall, great.
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!