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Reviews for Wayward

By : Glacial
  • From goldenlady88 on January 02, 2008
    i like the story so far, you really need to keep going with just fix certain parts of it. do a read over to check what i mean
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  • From ANON - Shane on October 23, 2006
    dude I loved it fucking great!
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  • From ANON - Ivy Valentine on October 11, 2006
    This story seemed to go downhill - though, it is quite difficult to write a lemon. You seemed to have Ivy's character fairly well at the beginning, with her cockiness and unflinching attitude. Your Siegfried could have used some work though - he was more of a valiant knight, and not the type to comment on Ivy's 'sexy body.'

    However, both of these were lost as soon as the sex came into it - they just became the typical 'give me more' personalities so stereotypical of pornography. Try and keep the characters consistent throughout.

    Also, perhaps you should try re-reading your work. You have a few run on sentences and you'll re-use a word several times in a row, where a synonym would be far more effective.

    And excellent first attempt however - I wish you luck on future writing pieces. =)
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  • From ANON - ... on October 10, 2006
    This could use more improvement. But... not bad for your first try.
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  • From ANON - yo on August 18, 2006
    Sexy. Very sexy, indeed. I love it.
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  • From ANON - M.R.B. on August 18, 2006
    Very impressive. I don't know why peaple haven't review this. Anyway, please continue with the story.

    Udate.
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