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Reviews for Through the Eyes of a Demon

By : Wondera
  • From ANON - Opacus on May 14, 2009
    That was... anticlimactic.
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  • From Silvara on August 31, 2008
    This story is genius! I love it ^^
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  • From SeviePoo on January 09, 2008
    I love it! This was such a fun story!
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  • From rachelmary on December 10, 2007
    funny and moving loved it ^^
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  • From xbaamxbabyxshesxdeadx on September 20, 2007
    update soon please
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  • From DantesBane on July 29, 2007
    I love this story! I only have one problem though...something's wrong with Chapter 4 (Dante gets Drunk I think), and it's not uploaded right. D: Can I ask you to upload it again so that I may read it?
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  • From ANON - KrystalChronicals on May 04, 2007
    hehe loved the ending and good story!
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 23, 2007
    Great Story! And by the way: If you go to your profile page you can click to allow non-members to review. You'd probably get a lot more that way because most people are lazy and wouldn't go through the small trouble of making an account just to review like I did ;)
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  • From YuraHiwatari on March 20, 2007
    Sorry, but this is not DxV is VxD ._.
    But I like it! ^^ Too cute
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  • From Tristram on March 16, 2007
    I don’t know anything about videogames – this one included – but I decided to give the story a try. Especially after I Google-ed “Devil May Cry” and found a picture, of who I think is Dante. Damn he looked hot! I may not be able to help you in regards to the characters similarity (or lack there of – I don’t know) to the originals or what their relationship is like, but I can help you with the writing. So treating your story like an original instead of an FF this is what I have to suggest: Before you read all that, though, I’d just like to say that all this was intended to be helpful and was in no way meant to offend so I hope it won’t be taken as such.

    Firstly your story was good and easy to read. I liked that you go through both guys point of view and I love the way you start off with Virgil all bad ass and “I’m not getting him a present because he needs to grow up.” It made me think of my brother, hitting my baby sis. To “toughen” her up, but then saying that he was the only one who could hit her and telling her he’d go to her school and beat up the idiots that were bothering her… Virgil’s got big brother written all over. (Not what Dante had in mind, but what can I say, that was my first reaction – and they ARE brothers!)

    Just some suggestions for improvement: the structure can be tightened a little. There are some sentences that you can merge together so the flow isn’t as choppy. For example rather than having < No such luck, so I toppled over him. He fell on the ground and I fell on him.> you can put these two sentences together by writing something like < No such luck, so I toppled over and found myself on the ground, sprawled across him.>

    You also repeat ideas in a single sentence/paragraph a lot, and it makes for a lot of repetition of words. This relates to the first problem, and can also be solved by merging sentences. For example when you wrote < Instead of simply taking the cup, my heavy arm swung and knocked the cup out of Dante’s hand. The cup broke into many pieces of glass and we both watched the mess on the floor for about 15 minutes.> You can instead write something like < Instead of simply taking the cup, my heavy arm swung and knocked it out of Dante’s hand, breaking into many pieces of glass. For about 15 minutes we both watched the mess on the floor.> This way you separate the idea of the glass breaking and then the watching of said broken glass, and cut back on the use of the word cup. Also, and this is just a personal opinion, but rather that writing a better/simpler visual would be if you just said “shattering on the floor”.

    Be careful of accidental repetition like < If I just gave him the cup instead of using up all his energy up> One of those ups has got to go. It doesn’t matter which one since they both make sense (just not when together).

    Also when you have someone talking that should be on a separate line from the rest of the paragraph. You often have Dante say something and then Virgil thought bubble after, but Virgil’s parts should all be new paragraphs/on a different line.

    – personal opinion again but you could write it sounds better.

    - the word you’re looking for is .

    Be careful to stay consistent in the way you write; the style. You have a very casual and easy flow but then suddenly you jump to < but I cared not, for my finger had been cut.> It has an old school flow that doesn’t fit at all. I feel it would have been better if you wrote something like Still holds a level of sophistication, but it’s not Medieval.

    Question: Why the sudden change in Virgil? Just minutes ago he jumped off Dante because he felt him get hard and said he didn’t want any of that, and then you have him wrestling out of his pants as fast as he can. You should have a little indecision at that first part so the second seems more natural.

    Ok I know this review is super long and probably a little daunting but all said I really did like the story. I just wanted to be as constructive as possible. Also it’d be awesome if you continued it. Make a second part with the later reaction of Sparda – I’d like to know how he fits in with the two brothers. Good job and don’t be discouraged from the lack of reviews – some people are just too lazy to bother to write anything. You should write for your own enjoyment – don’t care what other people have to say about it. (Although I do know that it feels nice when people do care enough to say something) - so at the same time just hang in there.



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  • From Etcetera on March 07, 2007
    That was pretty good. I don't think you should have changed P.O.V's that much though, but it was written really well. You should add more stories. I'd like to read them. ^__^
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  • From ANON - Thad on January 06, 2007
    Suddenly Sparda came into the room, spitting out his raspberry tea all over the kitchen floor.

    XD
    It does indeed sound like he came into the room JUST to spit on them ^_^ XD I LOVE IT... XD XD you should post the final fantasy seven story you wrote.
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