Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Special Favor Returned

By : MegFallow
  • From 1upmushroom on January 30, 2007
    We;;, I think that her transformation into a succubus would have infused her with certain knowledge anyway, so I think her OOCness is really just an alteration of her character for plot purposes. The plot was a little confusing to me, what exactly did she want from him? Was she just crazy? Or spiteful for dying? Seems to me like she did go insane, I mean she says she gave Henry a gift at the end, what kind of gift is feeding off his stamina, and not even making it good for him?

    Im just confused. Even moreso about the ending. Who is Gwendolyn?? I dont remember her name from the Silent Hill series.
    Report Review

  • From MegFallow on January 16, 2007
    Thanks Maiafay, I probably did make the two POVs confusing, and with Cynthia being IC or not its hard to say since it looked as if she was never given much of a complex personality other then being slutty in the game. Though I admit the ending was pretty lame. But with practice as you said my future sex stories might be better.

    I look forward to more of your installments in the Blood Ties story! ;-D
    Report Review

  • From maiafay376 on January 16, 2007
    That was interesting...and certainly one of the more unique pairings I've seen. This story had many moments of nice detail and sensual scenes...

    I'll be honest here...(since you PMed me and wanted my opinion.) I'm going to name some good aspects of your writing, but also what needs improving.

    The Good/What's working: You have a good flow...and decent grasp of what makes a scene work. You keep in character with Henry, and Cynthia is a tad OOC, but you do warn of that. You have a good imagination, and definitely spun a different plotline other than the norm.

    What's not working: Mostly technical issues here that could be resolved with practice and a good beta reader. Some cliche things throughout the story...some dialogue that needed tweaking a bit. Typos here and there, nothing huge, but the grammar really needs some work. Also...I doubt Henry would have stayed inside his apartment after that whole thing with Walter...I think he would have hightailed it--but for sake of story and plot...this is a small nitpick. POV switching is another thing...do not be in Henry's head one sentence and then in Cynthia's head the next without some sort of divider. It can get confusing whose eyes we as the reader are perceiving from.

    One last thing that's a pet peeve of mine--the passive voice is abundant throughout your prose...phrases like "have been", "was this or that", and "to be's" should be replaced with stronger verbs and actions. Again, this would be solved with a good beta reader.

    For your first sex fic, you did pretty good--but just keep in mind the things that need polishing, and your next tale should benefit.
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!