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Reviews for Sins of the Damned

By : DeadManScrawling
  • From WotanAnubis on July 21, 2007
    Well, you fixed the h-scroll thing, so I kinda feel obligated to leave an actual review.

    It's pretty good. Decently written. I believe you may be mixing tenses here and there, but that could be the result of your first-person point of view, so I'm not entirely sure. You also use way too many commas, making some sentences difficult to read because they feel like (possibly because they are) two sentences that have been forced together for no good reason.

    Finally, I question the wisdom of dumping the girl's entire life history up to this point into the beginning of the fic. I'm not really sure why it's there. To establish character, perhaps? To introduce people who'll play an important role later (even though pretty much nobody gets a name)?

    Still, for an introductory chapter, I liked it well enough. I hope you'll continue.
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  • From WotanAnubis on July 21, 2007
    Haven't actually read this fic yet, since you've managed to break my h-scroll. And I, lazy as I am, do not feel very interested in constantly scrolling from left to right and back again to read a fic.

    I think it's the very long line you've got seperating the characters from the opening of the story that's causing the problem.
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