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Reviews for MONSTER

By : Radius

From Duvainna on October 16, 2007
Ha, Dante's behaving just as I thought. It scares me that I understand him to that degree. XD
Anyway, he's so funny I couldn't help but laugh. He decided to be faithful for the first time in his life and yet he still claims he has no relationship with Seth. Poor boy. ^^ He was so cute at the end of the chapter. Aww. ^^ Even though he's a major jerk, he deserves some happiness in his life. It's not like his personality and daily routine were chosen by him solely; so many tragic events led to that that I can't blame him for becoming this cynical, arrogant bastard.

Seth and his dirty secrets... Well, I don't know if I may post my speculations here, as any future readers could stumble across OMG SPOILERS which would ruin all your hard work...
... but I can't help but wonder what's going on. It looks like certain someone is not that willing to let go of our dear eighties freak. It may even be a very important someone (Seth's reaction to the bestiality movie, so sweet ^^). I don't know much about werewolves... Do they have fledgelings (pups? XD) or are shapeshifters from the very beginning? O.o Seth said something about important and difficult time for him... And the prologue is indeed scary. Looks more like an ending, and pipes remind me of a factory.
Whatever. I hope it's all going to make a lot of sense, coz you see, I'm a little prejudiced against werewolves. Sue Remus Lupin from Harry Potter series.

Oh, I can't wait to see what's Dante gonna do about that killer furball harassing the city! Wonder if he's really as brilliant as he claims to be...? XD That's the good point about knowing more than a character does, the reader can observe and judge their real capabilities, LOL. So many authors describe Dante as pretty brainless guy who gets out of trouble thanks to his combat skills. While I don't deny he's a great fighter, I feel one cannot expect him to perform all the tricks from the games. It's just a game, for pity's sake. It wouldn't be fun to play without wide array of weapons and hero who can't survive several bullets and scythe cuts. Even human protagonists can do that. In real life (I mean, DMC-fanfiction-universes) I prefer Dante to be more vulnerable. Nevermind he beat Mundus. ;P No one is invincible. *waves to wanderingaddict ^^* Actually, I enjoy some of the demon rape fics, and the mental breakdown that follows. ^__^

OK, back to the chapter. LOL, I thought you meant studs in clothing, like in belts or bracelets. XD I absolutely despise tongue and eyebrow piercings. Gross. x_x Geez, Dante's ~40 here, right? A 40-year-old guy with tongue piercing... He's downright crazy. ;P
By the way, Seth's funny too. I wouldn't risk getting kicked out of my flat via inviting my landlord to a spank party. ;P

Huh, good to hear the intro is going to be over soon. It's a very nice read but in the end I found my attention drifting off to Paranormal Five and their attempts on investigation. They're actually coping quite well... Apparently they're not total morons, just... naive kids. ^^ I have to admit I sympathise with them a little. ^^
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From wanderingaddict on October 15, 2007
Haha, no problem, that rush of reading a new review hits that tingly little spot inside you just right doesn't it? :P so glad I could give you that feeling. Sometimes there are moments when I sort of think as Seth as mary-sue like yeah, but mostly just 'cause I have no basis for understanding his intense connection to the eighties era (and I'm sorry if he talked about this and I just missed it). I have to stress that these are jsut brief moments though, and overall I think he's an enthralling character (although I do have to say that maybe another way to demphasize the mary-sueness is to show us more ways that make him unique, ya know? parts that really get the reader attached to him, for instance commenting more on his "otherness" or looks or something, write about Dante's thoughts when Dante's got his mouth on Seth's dick). Just having an original character runs the risk of being a mary-sue fic, but the difference is that a good oc stands alone, where a mary-sue is just propped up pipe dreams that no one else relates to.

Heh, and I've been reading parts of yours and Dhuaine's conversations, and I have to say I love, love, love your Dante because that's almost exactly how I see him too! There are so many fics out there where random demon A beats and brutally fucks him, and to me I read those and jsut shack my head. He's fucking Dante! The son of the single greatest demon who ever lived! Even if he is human, and lets say humans at best reach 15 on a scale of 1-100, 100 being Sparda and 1 being a granny with a walker, (15 being badass commandos/sorcerers/leather-clad studs/babes) Dante at least hits 85 then. I mean, he's fucking Dante! DANTE!

haha my enthusiasm for Dante got a little out of hand there, but when I think about the games all I think about is him flipping about, spraying bullet-death into the pathetic masses that try to take him out. Your Dante is such a perfect reflection of this that.. that I can't help but love him! I do have to say though, that the two things that I think stand out the most about your story are the little bits where Dante's devil-side shows through (does Seth know just who Dante is? I can't wait to see what he thinks of that!) like in the club, with the glowing eyes, or the very begining chapters where you talk about the filth that plagues the city and all that. The second part that stands out is Dante's cock (har har :P) but I mean it. That... disgusting/erotic/idon'tknow blowjob at the very start was such an amazing hook for this story that I couldn't help but read everything else too. Kudos, kudos, all that jazz. I'll end this here, because all I can do right now is gush more about how much I love this.
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From wanderingaddict on October 14, 2007
Fantastic. I love your Dante, I love that he's so badass and self-assured, and I love the combination of him and Seth. This is such a great story, and I really really want to read more (I was particularily pleased with Seth getting a bit of bite to him at the end of chapter eight there). Fingers crossed that Seth isn't the monster eating people because if this ends with him being raped/killed/put-down for the good of the city or what have you I will just be :'(
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From Duvainna on October 13, 2007
Sheesh, Dante is such a blockhead. 'I get what I want and everything I want from you is to fuck you' - how bloody romantic. x_x Fortunately, Seth finally got drugged enough to express his opinion, although he was gentle as always. Dante needs more than a sting to change his ways.
On the other hand, Seth is an interesting guy. He's a mixture of naivety and (conscious?) cleverness that look really strange together. I don't know if you planned it, but some of his actions contradict each other and it makes reader feel uncertain about him and his real motives. O.o
Ooh, Seth's past is not as eager to forget about him as he is ^^ The full moon sounded like a werewolf though...

Dante's feelings for Seth are easy to notice ;) The first scene that implied his deeper involvement is lunch invitation, I think. Well, it could be only his male pride, but he didn't like an idea of loosing Seth to someone, right? ^^ However, even the end of ch. 8 can't change his behaviour really fast. IMO he's afraid of any changes and would unconsciously do a lot to prevent them from happening. While he certainly needs to reconsider his arrangement with Seth, he will also try to keep as much of his usual jerk-self as possible.
I can't really blame him, changes are scary. Changes mean new variables, new situations without ready solutions. Dante made himself forget about certain areas of life. Going back to them can be a painful experience for him. I wonder if he's brave enough to face emotional pains from his past, after shunning them for so many years.

Reading your mind? XD No way, I have nearly no empathy and I've always been accused of being selfish, uncaring bitch. Kinda like mini-Dante ._. So, it's just you being a great writer ^^
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From Duvainna on October 04, 2007
Huh, now the title of your fic makes sense. A monster is a person who always 'forgets' to call off things and then says 'Oh I thought you wouldn't mind'. Yeah, I surely don't mind starving for three days, waiting five hours in the rain or on railway station or begging people for money to pay off the insurance.
My mother does it to me all the time. >.< Such persons should burn in hell ;P
Seth is too soft for Dante ;P

Dante can - and should - learn a lot from his relationship with Seth. It's always amused me how people don't see huge holes in their ways of thinking. The last part of ch. 7 shows that Dante seriously lacks in this field ;D

LOL, Paranormal Five XD You can trust four young males would do something extremely stupid when left on their own. It's only natural for them. XD

Yup, imho Dante is deluding himself, trying to bury his real feelings and emotional problems under I'm-alone-and-loving-it mask. He makes himself believe in this; otherwise I'm pretty sure he'd have gone insane by now. Everything out of routine throws him off his stable state, but that's what he really craves... to live a real life. ;P
(Geez, I'm such a die-hard angst lover.)

The aff.net forums are scary ;P I'd prefer to stick to deviantart. However, considering their NC-17 policy... Are you going to post more hardcore stuff on the forums? I'd appreciate if you tell me about that ^^; I'd hate to miss it! ;D
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From Duvainna on September 24, 2007
Yes, Remnants was its title! Oh God. XD I picked it as an example 'cause its style resembled best what you're writing here, LOL. Just cross out the line about Dante's implied appearance, I confused it with another fanfic where a white-haired man is a simple passer-by to the hero of the chapter. I completely forgot about that Nemo kid. ^^;
By the way, the chatroom was absolutely brilliant. So unique! =P
(And to think I wanted to mention author of Remnants as the only other person who nicknamed Dante. XD I forgot to include that in my first review.)
LOL. So it's yours. XD I actually thought it was pretty good. XD

While Dante may be a conceited jerk, he seemed easy enough to manipulate in chap. 6. Hah, too many inner anxieties and complexes. Seth looks like he's gonna play an innocent victim just for him, but he's much more clever than that.
Either way, Dante must have seriously shunned his conscience or be completely self-centered to act like that. I don't like such ego-people in reality. They often have enough charisma to effortlessly pull your strings, so the farther from them, the better.
In a way, Dante reminds me of Alucard from Hellsing. Feeling superior in battle, always winning, always seeking the stronger foe. Especially DMC anime hinted that. Let's just hope he won't become suicidal...
Dante would suffer a mental breakdown if he ever gets his ass kicked. He never expects to lose, he kind of stopped that possibility from happening. O.o
However, I can actually imagine a more considerate and selfless Dante not wanting to get into relationship with someone who wouldn't be able to defend herself/himself if bad times come. Sparda did that and look what happened to his family. But then again not many women would like a man who can get killed every time he goes out to work. They would see Dante more as suitable material for several nights romance. Poor chap. XD

Huh, Seth has been sent by fate to punish Dante for his sins? That certainly sounds interesting x)

Hey, I just hope that after your recent editing the Moresome warning is still valid ;P
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From Duvainna on September 19, 2007
Yup, script here sucks. I registered only to find out there's no story alert. Guess I'd have to reload DMC page every 15 minutes on Thursdays and Fridays x)

Ha, so Seth is indeed creepy. This chapter proved it, if the prologue itself wasn't disturbing enough (I think).
The love/hate attitude becomes more apparent. Dante behaves as totally self-centered egoist. Does he pay any attention to others' feelings? Nah, not here. I felt ashamed for him. x_x
His stalking made me laugh though XD

I've heard about SMTN but never managed to google out any spoilers regarding Dante's role there. Mind telling me? ^__^

�Dude, imagine how Han Solo feels. In Star Trek the guy in red always gets killed.�
Definitely one of my favorite lines so far XD Such trivia makes your story feel so real ^^

My sincerest respect for writing the whole story before uploading it! ^^ I've seen too many stories with headers 'I have 58 chapters planned!' that ended after sixth or seventh update, just when things were getting interesting. It annoys me to no end. x_x
However, readers are not without guilt either. For some reason lots of people prefer short stories to long novels...
What renders story unreadable:
1) No kick-ass action. If the characters are talking / thinking instead of traveling / fighting, lots of readers will give up, no matter how interesting and important the subjects of discussions are. Even fourth volume of Song of Ice and Fire by GRR Martin got flamed for that: 80% of the plot was politics, there were many twists and shocking surprises, but few field battles.
2) More than 10 characters whose names should be remembered. Even novels tend to have less than ten primary and secondary characters.
3) Backtracking. Readers run away when they need to recall small occurences that didn't seem important in previous chapters, but are necessary to fully enjoy the storyline later on. That includes also names, coincidences in colors etc.
4) Calm beginnings. If the story needs several introductory chapters before main action, nearly nobody will make the effort of memorising 'boring' settings.
5) Psyche analysis, even if it's only mentioning the changes in between the lines. Character is starting to behave differently and readers don't understand/like that.
My opinion is based on ff.net reviews and my own tiny experience as a writer. I don't intend to be harsh or anything, it just amazes me that really good stories on ff.net tend to have less reviews. There was one in particular... Six chapters describing drug-and-demons affair and mafia/corrupted police/paranormal investigators. Dante made a veiled appearance in one of the chapters and was supposed to turn up in next one. Great story pacing, vocabulary and atmosphere. Only three reviews. x_x
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From Duvainna on September 12, 2007
*claps* There aren't many stories where characters are neither black nor white. Mostly readers know from the very beginning who's the good guy and whom to like... I love your ambiguous characters ^^ It's really rare to see Dante from different point of view - he's shown either as our traditional trash-talking demon hunter or as an idiot (Vergil's POV). But here, as much as I disagree with his methods, I couldn't help to feel sorry for him.
It's not easy to like Seth either. Something in this guy gives me creeps...

It seems we see Dante in kinda similar way ^^ Maybe it's my love for angst, but I've always regarded Dante's cocky attitude as a mask. Loss of family, killing his own brother, demon/human dual nature, having to hide so many secrets from the human world... it all should affect him greatly. Thus I absolutely hate when people say he's too optimistic and carefree to become gloomy and closed off. I find it insulting somehow, like he didn't have enough brains to process more complex thoughts. O.o

Yeah, anime Dante. I understand that he may be pretty bored and not caring about life, but to allow everyone to make fun of him? Loosing every bet? -_- And then in DMC4 he appears as cocky as ever. It doesn't make sense IMHO.

Back to Paranormal Five... Actually, the kids aren't that bad. They're creative and they stick to their plans. The group is such a nice addition to the story ^^ It feels so good to see a bunch of other people co-starring in a fanfic instead of super star Dante/Vergil plus one or two minor characters mentioned somewhere in the storyline, but oh-not-that-they're-important.

Hey, it's you who should be praised ;P 95% of DMC fandom are short stories, while I, uh, love more complex plot. And your story is about growth and discovery - absolutely great! Dynamical characters are always interesting. ^^
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From Duvainna on September 04, 2007
Great story! It's so hard to find something decently long here. I'm tired of oneshots; how much plot can be embedded there? Your story promises nice mystery and interactions between people. It looks like beginning of full novel with developed universe and realistic amount of characters, not some tiny bubble with no reference to real life. I like that a lot.
Dante is such a spoiled brat here! I've never seen him portrayed as such, but it's believable, given his age and experiences.
I have to admit I got lured to your fanfic by lengthy warnings in the header. Had to google out some of them XD I tend to enjoy more disturbing stuff - and now I can hardly wait for next chapter! I'm also looking forward to reading more about Paranormal Five's actions and their clash with Dante (porn with plot! OMG!) ^^

There's one thing that I found funny though: the 'mushroom' word. It instantly kills the amorous mood XD
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