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Reviews for Keeping Nightmares In the Light

By : DeadlySoulCaster
  • From Fairycat on April 20, 2008
    Nice. Can't wait for the next chapter.
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  • From JustS on April 11, 2008
    Wow wow wow! Another extremley well-crafted and enjoyable chapter, with one of the best-written lemon scenes I've read in quite a while! The way Knil's dark-side came out slightly in the love scene was interesting, and your descriptions there were oh-so good. As usual, it is nearing perfection but there a couple of criticisms I'd like to make, nit-picks of course but things that to me need polishing slightly:

    1. I found it a little disjointed after their steamy kiss at the start how they almost instantly went straight into joking around and eating like nothing had happened. I didn't seem like they were still buzzing from that very passionate moment or that any further yearnings were there, judging by how they went straight into the feast. I think this can be rectified quite easily though, with maybe just a few transitioning lines about their feelings; (regretting that they couldn't continue intimacies and trying to hold off their urges for now until after dinner, those kind of things).

    2. I thought the climax to the love-making was a little bit abrupt. Everything up to that point was perfect so don't change a word until the last few lines. Again I think it only would need a line or too fix it, and again I think it all it needs is a little more emotion-injecting - I don't think there are any emotive words at all in the climax paragraph (the one starting with 'She was close to the edge he could feel it..'). It just needs more descriptions of feelings and sensations, the cliche 'rising heat' and 'waves of pleasure' type-stuff but hopefully you could do something a bit more fresh and personal. Also, if you could link the climax in with the Knil's darker side stuff it would tie-up that section perfectly.

    3. Also, not really a fan of the almost comedy ending. The pregnancy thing had to be touched on certainly in some way (maybe not necessarily in this chapter), but I thought both these things didn't really suit the mood of the chapter as a whole and that a nice romantic moment would have been a much more appropriate end (ending it as they fall asleep in each other's arms, or Knil waking up in morning and watching the beautiful Malon sleep - two possible alternatives.)

    I think the general consensus from me is just more feelings; we need to hear about these more and more as their relationship develops otherwise we are not going to believe in their love or not become as attached to them as we otherwise might have. Again, you don't have to listen to my comments so if you think all that was B.S. that's fine :)

    And don't worry about regular posting... I don't think any of us want you to rush your work or feel pressured and have it turn out not as good as you (and we) hoped. Excellent stuff as usual, keep it up :)
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  • From Cyrdan on April 11, 2008
    great work again and for the translation no problem i'll get on it right away and after each chapter ill send it to you so you can put it on the site so that way it will be all yours ^^ keep up the great work and if there is a way for you to contact me by email please do so
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  • From Cyrdan on April 07, 2008
    lol sorry had the wrong pen name written

    man im blown away at your writing seriously i'm new to this world and planning on writing my own fic but i need advice and you are the first on that i find writing like that there is suspens intrigue love and interest even if they don't seem to want to admit it to each other i'm starting to wonder if i'm not gonna translate your fic in french for sure the story would be all yours lol well can't wait for the next chapter seriously bud keep writing you're realy inspiring and i really like the part where malon puts the two gerrudo's back in place
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  • From JustS on April 06, 2008
    I enjoyed the edit, definitley addressed my criticisms well.

    A lot of authors are too proud or attached to their stories to make edits based on suggestions, but I'm glad you are not one of them. I feel special to have helped out too :)

    Can't wait until your next chapter, it's getting a bit hot n' heavy!
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  • From goldenlady88 on April 04, 2008
    i hope you update soon i'm sure life is keeping you busy but pleasign i'm begging you! update soon
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  • From Fairycat on March 22, 2008
    *Tries to break free from the ample amount of duck tape...but fails miserably* Is there anything in the world duck tape can't do? XD!

    Anyways, I am glad to see a new chapter. Yay! You know I never really thought about Malon being related to the Gerudos. Very interesting. Well I hope you update soon!


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  • From RinxAkarui on March 20, 2008
    I love it! (i lost my old account but I love this story!) Keep up the good work ^^
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  • From JustS on March 06, 2008
    Excellent chapter! After the last 'Bubbles' I was a little unsure if you knew where you wanted to go with the story, but this one totally blew away my fears; the wind is really in your sails here!

    A couple of constructive criticisms I would like to express: IMO if you follow these points this would be a perfect chapter:

    - A little more description needed in and around the Gerudo fortress, I would like to get a better sense of the atmosphere there, as well as what everything looks and feels like.
    - The posting of the URL within the story - that's a big No No in any competent fiction. Put it as a footnote (asterisk if you need to) so it doesn't interupt and break the flow of the story.
    - Belly-dance scene needs more description of the actual dance moves (swaying hips etc) since it's a little vague in my mind of what exactly the dance looked like.

    Even with those points aside, (and I've probably said this before) this is probably the best chapter so far! Keep it up!
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  • From Ryokitty on March 02, 2008
    Wow. Just... Wow. I hope you plan on updating soon. The only things that bother me are your confusion with the placement of the word "your" when it should be "you're". Examples: 1.) That is your ball. 2.) You're going to show me the world.
    Another thing... author's notes should be put at the end of the chapter rather right in the middle with the text. It takes the reader's focus off of the story and onto something in reality, which can throw someone's imagination and imagery off of the story line. Other than that, I'm loving this fiction and hope you update soon.
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  • From Garbolo on February 26, 2008
    I like this story... i'm looking forward to the next chapter...please keep up the good work.
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  • From goldenlady88 on February 22, 2008
    please tell me your going to update soon please and i appreicate you reviewing me
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  • From Fairycat on February 18, 2008
    Cute story and very orignal. I don't think I have ever read a Malon and Dark Link pairing story before? Cool.

    You got me wondering though, what would happen if the real Link discovered that his shadow was staying with Malon? Would Link fight him? Perhaps Link might end up discovering he has deep down feelings for Malon as well. What would Zelda do if she found out? What would happen if Malon had to choose which man she loves? There is so many ways you can take this story which is very interesting. Of course you do not have to write your story to my crazy ramblings. I will enjoy this story no matter which way you are taking it.
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  • From JustS on February 08, 2008
    Not my favourite chapter (though still very good) although probably a necessary one in order for us to see Knil adapting to human (or Hylian) life and to bond him and Malon further.

    Looking forward to the climax of the story and what the future holds for these characters!
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  • From goldenlady88 on February 08, 2008
    another excelletn addition to a delictable story, i was wondering if you could help me a lot with my stoy so i can get a great deal of reviews like yours and make an even better story
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