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Reviews for Of the Shattered Sun

By : lilblackitty
  • From bushviper on December 02, 2009
    Hi there... I really enjoyed reading this and I thought it was really hot. I do think Aundal's transition to total submission was rather abrupt and difficult to understand, and Boro's character seems a little underdeveloped. He's a healer, a caretaker... where does this cruelty, the need to "wipe arrogance off her face" come from? I think their bond would be easier to believe if we understood better how he felt about being compelled to dominate and humiliate someone that it seemed he otherwise respected. I would think that they would have spent quite some time talking about their mission and what was expected of them. I agree with LadyBirdOz that the reason for the experiment seems rather shallow, but it sounds like you are working on that.

    You are a really good writer and your sexy scenes are incredibly hot and exciting. It seems to me that you have attempted to describe an incredibly complicated relationship from it's beginning, but in order for there to be believable positivity between the two main characters, personally I need to see more interactions between them that explain their relationship beyond "he knows how to turn her on." I don't know. Maybe that's just not what you're into but I am having trouble making sense of their relationship.

    I don't want to discourage you though! Believe me I wouldn't be spending this much time thinking about your characters if your story wasn't so compelling! I'll keep checking for updates.
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  • From jacquibirdie on November 29, 2009
    I have waited impatiently for the end of this and ...with a whimper it closed. Not the bang I had hoped for but just...faded off. No clue as to the hidden "why" I had expected, but to "teach a blood elf to submit"?? I guess....I'm sorry I love your writing really but that just...disappointed.
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  • From silenthunder on March 27, 2009
    This is one of my favorite stories here on AFF.net - every time I visit I hope "Of The Shattered Sun" is updated. Thank you for delivering! *wide grin* I've wanted to leave reviews many times before, but have only gotten around to doing so now. *hangs head in shame*

    You have a way of touching all of my kinks - reluctancy, voyeurism, m/m/f threesomes. Fantastic. This latest chapter - hot like usual. As always, I am dying to find out why such a mission would be carried out in the first place - I hope to see that point of the plot eventually come to light :)

    I will admit, though, this chapter seems a little awkward...it lacks the sensual intensity the previous chapters have. Still a good read, though!
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  • From rosieposie on March 25, 2009
    Nice chapter! Definitely well worth the wait! *debates about waking up sleeping hubby for fun*
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  • From Church on March 24, 2009
    Finally a Update!!! Nice goign the one threesome epic shit right there and ur research on em is well...pretty damn fucking good lol looking forward to more updates in the future. Hmm have Boro get it on with Aundal and Naira now tahts some good shit and Malthiel is a also koo character I like that dude. Keep up the good work!
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  • From rosieposie on January 03, 2009
    Totally hot. Love your work thus far. I'm a little hurt by your comment that people who use the less... coarse words for penis have likely never touched one, though :(

    I've been married 5 years, so I've definitely had time around one. However, I just can't bring myself to write like that; maybe it's because as a teen I read a TON of romance novels, and those always stick to words such as "shaft", "member", "rod", etc.

    I use dirty words in the bedroom, though! hehe.
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  • From Fawnheart on November 17, 2008
    This is too good! and no! Don't avoide penises altogether! What fun would that be? lol. Good point about the coloquial use of 'dick' and 'cock' btw. I have to say, I much prefer the use of dick and cock than steaming love muscle of mass seduction, or somewhat. It's hard to find variety, I don't know if a thesaurus would have many alternatives for dick/cock...I'll have to look that up hahaha, but my other favourte is 'fat meat'...I know, that's so crass hey hahaha, but I read it in Ghastly's Empezar and in context, it' made my HAWT radar go from zero to a hundred in a split second. Seriously.

    Excellent story but! I really enjoyed it :D
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  • From Poisongirl on September 14, 2008
    Get a thesaurus...You used the word "Dick" almost 10 times....In three paragraphs! A beta would really help you uncover the gem this story could be if it were but polished...
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  • From RDF73 on September 13, 2008
    Great story so far, I hope to read more of it soon as I can't wait to see what is going to happen next.
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  • From Nefertari22 on August 03, 2008
    I adored the first chapter of this story, wonderfully written and well done. I like the way you set up both chapters, letting us get to know that characters just enough, but not making us work to get to the delicious smut! XD

    I must be honest though the second chapter almost felt like it was written by a different person. Spelling and grammar errors took me out of the story. There seemed to be a few places that felt forced, like you were saying more than needed to be said. Like this.

    "Every time she came she trembled in his arms the floor beneath them got wetter and wetter with her pussy juices. Not to mention that every time she came she tightened and for a few seconds of her bliss her walls would milk his cock desperately."

    You could drop the not to mention and it might flow that much more smoothly. Just a few little things like that that I noticed. Still overall a wonderful story. ^_^

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  • From Tanahi on August 02, 2008
    This is fantastic! *hugs*
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