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Reviews for Lovegame

By : gbetch
  • From MiraMira on January 02, 2009
    First, let me just apologize, I’m not usually this whiny in my reviews. I didn’t intend for it to turn out this way, but it’s a bit too close to a flame for my taste. Gomen!

    Chapter 1:
    I would definitely suggest that you go back and check the beginnings of your sentences when you write something. As it is now, all but 3 of your sentences in your first two paragraphs begin with “he”, and two of those exceptions are pretty slim with “Roxas” and “Normally he”…hmm, I’m not sure my phrasing made sense there at the end…erk. Anywho~ I’m not even gunna let the fangirl in me say anything about Roxas’ “I didn’t even feel anything”…nothing but perverted incoherence would result ‘>.>

    Chapter 2:
    Kyaa~! The age question of doom! I hated that stupid question for what seemed like a long long time. Ugh. When I first met my current boyfriend in a Japanese class, I was still 17 and he was 22….God I hated that question. When a freakin’ hottie starts talking to you and asks you out, the last thing you want them to know him to know is that you’re not 18 yet. Anyways, I’m so glad Roxas doesn’t have that problem *hugs Rox*

    Chapter 3:
    What what what?! Meh? ….everything was so rushed! First they’re on the roof taking pictures, then Axel’s above him about to fuck him and Roxas tells him to wait, but then he’s staying over for the freakin night? What? I get the first two, but I would think that little virgin Roxas would feel too awkward to stay after that…

    Chapter 4:
    No foreplay at all? He just immediately starts fingering him? That has to be painful… Ain’t no way a virgin gets used to a finger that quickly…Wait…Axels a virgin too? …Even for a virgin that was fast…

    Chapter 5:
    You accidentally spelled “Axel” “Alex” in that first sentence. …


    I think the story's cute, but it's rushed and it's obvious that you don't read through your work before you post it because there are a ton of little mistakes like "to" instead of "too" or "i" instead of "I" or tense disagreements. Again, I'm sorry that this review turned-out to be a borderline flame

    ~Miranda
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  • From on October 21, 2008
    Please continue!!!!!!!!! >w
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  • From on October 20, 2008
    Dude, great story. Interesting storyline. I hope you continue, because I would love to read what you have in store for the story in the future.
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