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Reviews for Dominance

By : fadingsummer
  • From ANON - Anon on January 08, 2009
    Okay, as promised. At least I can try ;P Believe me ladies, it's so damn hard to concentrate because my mind has treacherously gotten the characters substituted with real people and now I'm haunted by perverse visions of certain ultramanly M. harassing certain history expert B. but after a long exhausting session in the toilet I can probably count on a few minutes of relative peace before the situation needs to be nomen omen HANDLED. Again.

    To the point. The chin motif. Nice, really, been using it too. A lot. But... I find it kind of difficult to imagine with two macho guys involved. Besides, it appears, let me see, twice which is a hell of a repetition in such a short text.

    Next. At times it is not obvious what refers to what. For instance:

    Damon's breathing had paced and his eyes looked
    even angrier but it was very clear he needed more
    sex too. Marcus grinned, took off his gloves and
    took his cock in his hand.

    His own gloves and his own cock? Not really, right? And yet in such syntactic context „his” refers to the last male mentioned.

    Another thing; the position. It's far less ambiguous than last time and your choice emphasises the dominance element perfectly but... have you ever made love to a guy standing with his back to you and "pushed firm against the wall"? Y'know, made love – anal-luv, using a penis. Your own preferably ;)

    Not that it is entirely impossible – even when the wall is smooth and the difference in height between the lovers is considerable. And yet if B. was to be pushed and pressed flat against the mentioned wall as you described then the love making might prove tad difficult. Try yourself sometime if you don't feel convinced ;)

    Next. The biting motif. It's the same as with the chin. Except you use it thrice.

    BTW. Been wondering, did M. sank his teeth into some particular spot on B.'s arm and stuck to it or was it a passionate multiple bite? ;)

    And if it wasn't; where did he bite him exactly? Not that the lack of such info in the text is a mistake of any kind. Actually it's very good for it allows the readers to fill the gap in the way they most like. But, for a few good reasons, I find myself feeling a bit insatiated with the level of details here... ;)

    So, where exXxactly the captain's teeth went? Into B.'s rock hard deltoideus? Or perhaps into the trapesius? Or maybe somewhere else? ;P

    Please, elaborate, Atmn. And don't even briefly think of leaving Dominance as a two chapter text ;]
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 04, 2009
    Hell YEAH! Willing or not, I must agree with the previous reviewer :) No, really, it is not often that I get to read a text so... INSPIRING that it nearly instantly forces me to leaving the computer and running in desperate search for doubtful "intimacy" of a public bathroom in a huge crowded shopping centre xD

    Anyway, I'm just back, my fingertips still unnaturaly soft and quite, hehheh, sticky. I've re-read the fic, I'm trying to keep calm, concentrate and write a decent review but it seems that reading your story for the second time BEFORE rewieving was very bad tactics 'cos I feel I need to go back to the mentioned bathroom ASAP, so please exXxcuse me for a few minutes... perhaps I'll manage to write a resonable commentary later but for now I'm defeated and have to give in to TEMPTATION... ;P
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  • From lemontree on January 03, 2009
    ‘Aaah, shit,’

    *does a little dance*

    That was amazing! XD Oh man, hot Marcus/Baird sex never fails, teehee.
    You're becoming quite good at this. ;>
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  • From ANON - Anon on December 13, 2008
    Oh HELL, that was GOOD! I'm currently at work, I read it some 5 minutes ago and... I'm just back from the bathroom. Hope my heavy geisha warpaint conceals the, hehheh, AFTER blush 'cos I would rather not be labelled a nympho so soon at my new workplace and that's what is likely to happen if the other guys notice the evidence of my shameless GoW induced self-indulgence... again ;P

    To the point.

    You are a very talented and skillful writer. I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out you seriously intend to, or already write for a living.

    Wasn't Dominance to a large extent inspired by REAL life events and characters? The circumstances and the whole scene seem, well... suspiciously familiar. In more than one way, what's worse :)

    More specifically; Baird/Marcus confrontation makes me instantly think of Raca and the Grim NarasSs of the famous Central European Un4sakenable RW-13 skydiving team :)

    For those not in-the-know; Grim NarasSs, the cruel Iron Captain, really DID have a serious discipline related issue with his team mate/subordinate Raca. Could it be that you operate in the obvious circles and have decided to immortalise the conflict of the two with your story for some mysterious reasons? How intriguing...

    On second thoughts; the situation vaguely echoes another, far less spectacular, conflict that occured at one point in a certain environment. Yet, on closer examination, the main motives don't work in the given context too well.

    Baird's counterpart, although perhaps even more cynical than the orginal character himself, despite evident and highly advanced leadership skills that have been well manifested on a few Real Life occasions, has never desired to be a leader of the obvious group nor the leader of any other group at all.

    What's more, Marcus Fenix's counterpart is really the very last individual that could ever be represented by this noble and extremely sexy character. To say that finding a single unconvincing excuse to commit such a horrific abuse borders on impossibility would really be more than a severe understatement.

    On a different level; why would any woman want to see those two people having sex...? o.0

    Hence, in face of crushing antiarguments, the above absurd interpretation must be ruled out.

    Back from that interpretory dead-end and on the right way again;

    Raca and NarasSs fit perfectly. Of course, you mixed some details on purpose. Know that I see and appreciate it as a classic writer's trick.

    Examples? Everybody knows that it is the ultramanly NarasSs not Raca whose well recognised trade mark has always been the stylish icy cold blue Oakleys :) The main traits of your characters, like Baird's hair colour for instance, are in perfect accordance with the traits of the mentioned men, though.

    Well, maybe except that, unlike Baird, Raca is a pacifistic effeminate metrosexualist but then let's not nitpick on such irrelevant shards of details ;)

    Your depiction of the scene is both convincing and impressive. All those transitions... a very movie-alike piece of writing.

    And the sex scene itself; the kiss on the lips cracked and bloody after a powerful hit... pure necro style.... the sadistic variation... violence, pain, death and sex... mixed together... Who'd have thought good ol' Marcus would be in such perverse stuff...

    For a moment I thought he'd lube himself with Baird's blood but apparently you didn't want to take it THAT far ;P

    As for things that did not come out so well. Not many of them, really. Very few in fact. Unsuprisingly since, as it has already been said here, you are a talented writer. Let's, however, take for instance the.... underarmour suits.

    Black is just perfect but leather...? Not too convenient to wear during physical activity, is it. Plus the guys would be all soaking with sweat in no time if they wore it longer than 5 minutes. Some high-tech material would be better and more probable for soldiers of an army enough technically advanced to reach other planets, don't you think?

    Another and the last element I'm gonna complain about; the ambiguity of the sex position. When Marcus forced naked Baird to the ground, did he forced him face up or down-wards? And if it was face down-wards - which seems far more likely for its strong dominance element - whatever's happened to a long detailed description of Baird's naked triangular sexXxy back? :P

    Hope you nomen omen SUBMIT another hot story of the same quality soon.


    Regards,
    FanFicExXxploitator

    P.S. Haven't you considered writing for the other GoW? ;)
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  • From lemontree on December 08, 2008
    THANK YOU so much for writing this fic! _O_
    I wish more people would write some GoW slash. :< They were made for each other! ;D
    Maybe I should write something... When I get some inspiration. Maybe I'll make it about Baird as a hairdresser, eh? ;P
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