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Reviews for Persona 4 FYL

By : sanyilma

From Zelix on October 30, 2009
I've a huge fan of the Persona series, especially the 4th part. I've played it a lot and it never ceases to amaze me.

But, enough about that.

I've read a lot of fanfiction and even written some, and this fic of yours is... *sigh*

... The best Persona fic i have ever read, plain and simply the best of them all. The characterisation, story and plot twists are just what i would expect to see in a real Persona game, i salute your skills.

I loved the idea of you putting in a 'Bad ending', that shows how deep your skill and understanding of the essence of SMT games goes, congratulations.

I hope to read more of this fic soon, for i am dying to know how this ends. I seriously will cry if i don't find out how this ends. Best of luck with this story and any future stories you may write!
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From Platinumsabr on September 26, 2009
After all the time I spend checking this bookmark to see if it's happened, it finally paid off! Just asking, are you intending to finish this story? Another great chapter as always; short, but full of development, and more of showing Souji the effect he had on people's lives, which is always nice to see. The relational development was comedic yet still managed to come across as serious, and that's not easy to do. Still liking where this is all going, but I really should just favorite this on FF to save me some time, LOL! Here's to hoping the next chapter comes out soon!

Happy writing, I hope your muse treats you well.
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From Platinumsabr on June 15, 2009
Even though I was ecstatic when I saw this had been updated on both FF and AFF over the past couple of weeks, I was reluctant to review just because of the godawful wait. I almost thought you had given up on it. Thankfully, that wasn't the case! I didn't quite understand the whole point of the weird plane in the other world, but I guess it served well as a reminder to Souji that the others depended on him. However, with the latest chapter, I can finally say--and I'm not one to use profanity that often--$#@& yeah! Awesome!! About damn time!!!!

Personally, I liked Izanami much more than Izanagi, both in mythology and the game itself. I liked the points you brought out, bending the mythos of curses and mistrust to suit the needs of the plot you've set up. I find it funny that while Izanami is titled as the god/goddess of creation and, mostly, death, forever stamped as the one who brought death into the world; that Izanagi isn't given any kind of title like that. I suppose he was meant to be taken as a god above titles and specifics, which fit Souji perfectly. With his all but deistic power now thanks to his persona's true form, I simply can't tell you how much I applaud your twist with Naoto. It seems like she's finally opened her eyes now, so maybe we'll get to see some Souji/Naoto romance yet, outside the realm of violence and angst.

(By the way, even though the bad ending made me cringe just because I knew what would happen, it was spectacularly done. Too many time people fail to see what's right in front of them...until it's too late. That was beautiful, in a Shakespearean tragedy kind of way.)

Very good once again! As always, I eagerly await the next chapter!
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From Platinumsabr on February 24, 2009
Well, I finally got around to reviewing the latest chapter. Hmm, I don't know, for all that happened in this chapter, it kinda felt like not a lot did for some reason. I don't know, out of all of them, Rise's shadow made the most sense to me in the game. All teenagers are confused about who they are, it comes with the territory, and though she would have the greatest chance of regression, the explanation still seemed kinda off. I like what you've done with the story though, especially how you've followed the basic setup of Persona 4, though I knew that was how it was going after Chie went through hers, and why Naoto would be last. I'm still confused about the Aspects, especially Naoto's involvement in them, but whatever, that's what the next chapter is for.

I know what you said in the beginning, and it doesn't necessarily have to involve that, but a little more romance on Souji and Naoto's part couldn't hurt. I know their drawing apart is because of the plot, but...yeah. I'm a romantic, so it kills me to see something like this, even though it is all for the sake of the story and better love in the end.

Well, onwards and upwards!
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From Platinumsabr on February 16, 2009
Thank goodness, I was beginning to worry this story had been discarded like your wonderful Mitsuru/Minato one. You really should change the status to oneshot if it was only a oneshot by the way. Just saying.

Anyways, glad to see this chapter, and though the fight went back to the original shorter ones you usually wrote, it was still very good, and nice to see Kanji kickin ass again. I really liked the quote by the way, that was one of the funniest lines in the game, so I was glad to see it here! Nice romantic pairing too, I like the concept of Yukiko and Kanji getting together. Childhood friends would know a lot about each other, and I've always found it weird how people are always so questioning of those relationships. There's nothing weird about childhood friends falling in love, but maybe that's just me.

Anywho, well done once again. Further explanations cometh, so I can't wait for the next chapter!
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From Platinumsabr on January 25, 2009
Okay, I'll do as you asked. Short and sweet, because otherwise I loved the chapter and would normally just congratulate you for a job well done.

1) Yes, Souji's decision was very believable, almost compulsory (and I can't help but add I'm very glad to see your use of Victory Cry). It's very realistic for a situation like that, even though admittedly, situations like that rarely come up in things other than manga, anime, and video games. LOL, that wasn't a hit against you or anything, it was very well written and I enjoyed it thoroughly.

2)The battle was, again, very believable, and the length was impressive without being too much (if there is such a thing as too much fight-scenes). I was very impressed, again, but I can't help but wonder where 'anger' suddenly came from when 'fear' had been made to be the main antagonist so far. Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't Shadows made from the suppressed thoughts of the human mind? If I researched the games correctly (during and after I played them) Nyx and Thanatos were brought about because of human fear and hatred, whereas Persona 4 focused more on apathy, hence Izanami and Ameno-Sagiri's desire of making the world simple, easy. No fears, no hatred, no anger. It kinda strikes me as odd that with all the human emotions present in the Persona series summoning 'gods' of similar desires, that they be incarnated in the form of mindless instinct this time. Just a thought.

3)So far so good, but I should warn you not to stray too far from their relationship. You've written them very well so far, and the emotional realizations and revelations of this chapter were very well played out. Since they ARE the main couple to which the story is meant to revolve, as you've stated, just be sure you don't forget their relationship in the ensuing mysteries you continue to dangle in front of your readers. It is a very good way to keep interest and I'm loving your work, but a little more Souji/Naoto wouldn't hurt.

4) Though the transition seems a bit confusing, that's what the next chapter is for, so yes, I think it works fine. The end of a chapter in an ongoing work such as this is meant to keep interest up, so I think it works great. Again, it's a bit confusing, and to propose that a regular 'mortal' had some dealing with starting this on his own does seem a bit off if one follows the canon of the Persona series, but I suppose Mitsuru's grandfather did practically single-handedly create the midnight hour and bring about the intervention of Thanatos and Nyx, so I can cut you some slack there, LOL!

Sorry if I seem a bit critical. Devil's Advocate remember? I hope I'm helping, in some small way at least.

And of course, keep up the good work!
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From Platinumsabr on January 22, 2009
Poor Yukiko was never suited to physical combat, LOL! I never understood how her fan kept coming back to her...

Yeah, but anyways, great chapter again. Cliffhanger looms...noooo! Now I'm way too curious about Naoto, and agonizing over the wait I know will be there until we get to her chapter! You've set everything up very well so far, so you can count on my continued input! (As a side not, you are missing a 'so' in one of Yukiko's sentences, and you've spelled Amagi-san wrong in one instance. I believe there's another mistake close between those two, but that's it, no plot complaints this time.)

Keep it up!
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From Platinumsabr on January 21, 2009
Hmm.

Lots of questions were raised this time, but seeing as how they're to be answered in later chapters, I'll get into it in more detail then. This chapter was just as good as the others, though--forgive me if I'm being presumptuous--don't think you absolutely need to upload a chapter every day if you don't want to. It felt like a lot of stuff could be added to this chapter, but again, it's not really a complaint, so I apologize if you feel I didn't need to bring it up.

Some things were explained though, and I'm curious as to what has been trying to break apart the unbreakable bonds of the MAX SL's. It does give some credibility to the entity though if it went after the ones with the most potential to hinder it first, so I look forward to your explanations in later chapters. Chie's explanation was a bit...yeah...but whatever, I suppose it wasn't the biggest thing in the world so you don't need to stress over it.

Another great job and another impressive upload. Thanks for continuing to share you vision with us, and so quickly! I hope Souji's there for Naoto! Don't be a stereotypical male Souji! Help her! Don't hesitate!! (Kinda ironic considering I'm a guy myself, but I know how a lot of men are perceived and written, so that's where that came from.)

Kudos to you!
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From Platinumsabr on January 19, 2009
One last thing. (Sorry about this, I forgot to put it in last time). I'd think Chie'd be at least a bit surprised that Yosuke could suddenly use his Persona, wouldn't you? Just something that caught my eye.
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From Platinumsabr on January 19, 2009
Spectacular! I honestly can't complain about pretty much anything in this chapter, though being a writer of fight-scenes myself, I can't help but think Izanagi's awesomeness was thoroughly ignored, and the fight scene could have been stretched out a bit longer. On that note, I don't think it's a bad thing to use the -dyne descriptive for attacks. I noticed your hesitance to name the attacks in any degree of detail, so I'll say my bit and say I don't think it's bad to use the attack names from the game to their fullest. I'm pretty sure anyone who reads a fanfic about Persona 4 would have played the game, so I think you're safe to do that, LOL!

Your explanations pacified me completely this time, and I'm glad to see the thought you've put into everything. Stagnation is something very possible in a backwater town, believe me, I know! It makes sense, just as Naoki was worried about during the Hanged Man SL. He had to take action, not stagnate, and that was what I instantly related a good deal of this chapter to. It also explains the lack of evolution in their Personas, something that had been bothering me for a while. Excellent job, and I'm happy to see the romance budding in characters other than the favorite of Souji and Naoto, though I'll be honest when I say I can't wait for theirs progress further. Now I can't help but wonder about all the others too, so you can count on my continued input! I hope I'm being helpful.

Also, I'm blown away by the speed of your uploads! Thank you so much! I love reading and to see a great work updated DAILY just kinda blows me away. I hope your passion for this story doesn't diminish until its over!
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From LadyofTheWhiteWater on January 19, 2009
Wonderful story. The characters are well written and so enjoyable. ^___^ I can't wait for more.
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From Platinumsabr on January 18, 2009
Heh, glad to see you took my suggestion on the chewing soul, I read and read and I couldn't find it. Thank you for that, it feels really good to know my input is being taken seriously. It is meant to be helpful after all.

Not too many complaints this chapter. The restriction of 'fear' is one that can indeed hinder even the strongest heart, so I'll digress partially on that matter. That doesn't really explain the protagonist's loss though, because though he did take the time to relive the past so to say when he came back, it hadn't been something that had overly bothered him before. That, and I can't see the group falling apart as they apparently did. Compared to Persona 3, the team dynamic in Persona 4 was much looser and written more to the edge of stupid humor than serious all-around friendship--the protagonists and his SL's, yes, but I'm taking about the group as a whole--but even then, to lose touch altogether in a town as small as Inaba seems like anything but possible. That bugged me, I'll admit.

And as for the half-asleep explanation, couldn't it be said that everyone is like that? We all have masks, as they say, and we all feel restrictions in life that we have to overcome, but the whole deal with their Persona's is that they've recognized that weakness and realized the facade they use. Anyone had the power to fight against their shadows had they willed it, not with weapons, but with exactly what I mentioned: willpower. I think in some of the cases even it would have been easier for them to accept their shadows had they known no on was right there watching them. Most of the time the truth is a hard pill to swallow, but some people could have awakened naturally I'm guessing. We're all half-asleep in a sense, but they WERE supposed to be fully awakened already. Wouldn't their Persona have helped them even if they were tempted to regress? They ARE supposed to be the facade used to face life's hardships after all. I guess I'm just rambling now, it did make enough sense for me not to dwell on it too much, but I thought I'd voice my thoughts and see what you thought.

To be honest, Chie and Yosuke's relationship honestly pissed me off in the game (not in your story, in the game). They didn't argue like there was any tension there at all, they argued like they honestly and truly hated one another, and Chie's constant disregard of Yosuke in almost every sense, from using his money without a second thought to kicking him violently where no man should be kicked. I knew what the guide was referring to when it talked about Yosuke not being able to see what's right in front of him, but there was no relational tension of that kind to make me feel like they were truly meant to be together. That was part of the team dynamic I was talking about earlier, yet another thing much easier to grasp in Persona 3 than Persona 4. I'm glad to see you've been taking a more realistic and downright believable approach to their (possible) relationship.

Again, I hope I'm being helpful, at least in some way. Maybe just to give you things to think about even. I think I've got a pretty good grasp on what's holding Naoto back, but I'll eagerly await everyone ele's before you get to her. For some reason I get the feeling you're going to save her for last.

Excellent job on characterization once again and I'm way too impressed at the speed you're uploading these chapters. With work and everything else I'm lucky to get one out once a week, though I guess I also have a certain page minimum I hold myself to, LOL!

Keep up the great work and e-mail me if the desire hits you!
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From Platinumsabr on January 18, 2009
The emotional angst and most everything else in regards to character development were positively spot-on in this chapter. Wonderful work on that, I could see most everything happening exactly as you described it, and Naoto's breakdown was very cute, not to mention realistic in the face of the possible death of a loved one.

However--I know, there's a however, sorry--if you ARE writing true to game canon as for Persona abilities and whatnot, no matter if he just recieved Izanagi-no-Okami again or if he received him at the maxed level he may have been when the Protagonist left Inaba, no person in their right mind would erase Victory Cry from his skills. Even when you get him first off, he calls himself the Original God, and even if I was to ignore your deifying of Izanami in the Real World, Izanagi-no-Okami's Victory Cry is meant to show his deity in the game itself, not to mention the Protagonist's Immortality in the face of Izanami-no-Okami's death move after he appears.

Even if Souji were to battle endless reinforcements and lose all of his spiritual power, the moment he got a rest, like say, his friends came to help him and they fended off the shadows like you've already written...his spiritual power, as well as his health for that matter, would instantly regenerate. Even if it regenerated over a short period of time would make sense, but for him to need a chewing soul? Honestly, I just don't understand that.

As well, it's gotten rather...confusing, that they can't use their persona abilities. You've given the explanation that it's because they've grown as people and aren't who they used to be, HOWEVER, that at its heart is the basis of the Persona itself! The prime example would be the evolution of their Persona's at MAX SL. It because they were able to face weaknesses within themselves, to grow as people and change who they were as they walk alone the path to who they'll become, that their Persona's change! If anything, five years later their Persona's would have evolved into an even stronger incarnation, they would never lose their ability. They ARE the Children of The New Potential after all.

And as for Teddie...he said he was going to protect his world, but it was greatly, almost undeniably told straight out that he would basically be doing what he had been in the game since he gained his human form. He would go back and forth, spending most of his time with the group back in Inaba. Just going on his dependency to not being alone, he wouldn't have been able to spend five whole years away from everyone.

I'm very much playing Devil's Advocate here, but in doing so I'm trying to help you. I'm merely pointing out things that have caught my eye and I hope to help you improve because of it, I'm in no way trying to tear you down.

You're a very impressive writer and I hope you keep it up. Your romance is enrapturing and I hope their relationship develops even more in the next chapter. Keep in mind my suggestions, eh?
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From 2FD2 on January 17, 2009
Still pretty intriguing. It's implied at P4's end that the remade-TV World is also Souji's World, so it makes sense that it would respond to his moment of desperation. It was a nice moment of friendship, too, with the gang getting back together to protect their leader from his own brave stupidity.

Characterization is strong as ever. Little touches like Chie's difficulty in high-stress situations and Naoto's voice raising when she's upset/flustered/alone with Souji(which is one of my favorite things about her, honestly). Naoto also displays more of her character growth and reconciliation of her nature here, she protects and then berates(though with less ferocity than protecting) Souji with the cold steel of a detective, then opens her heart to him as Naoto the woman in love. She's just so wonderfully expressive(for Naoto) without losing her character. It's nice to see the group approve of and actively encourage their relationship.

I wish I could be more helpful constructive-criticism-wise, but there's a point where I enjoy a fic too much to see any flaws in it. All I can really do is these little character studies which I tend to enjoy way, way too much.

Still great.
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From 2FD2 on January 15, 2009
Still enjoying this. Izanami and Souji have an interesting relationship, to be sure. She seems quite fond of him here, but unused to, well, having a friend. It's pretty fun to watch.

Glad you kept one of my favorite examples of Souji's stellar willpower: His Persona wakes ITSELF up. Izanagi's pretty much the only one in the entire series to do that. Interesting twist having the Persona power fade after the events in P4, too. It certainly explains why Teddie wasn't around in chapter 2. Also a nice touch to have his power reawaken in the real world. Souji's personal revelation and mysterious adviser were also enjoyable. It's nice to not have a cryptic and metaphor-filled mysterious being for once and instead have a kindly old man who just wants to help the kid out. I'd say you've succeeded in combining fluff with an intriguing story.

Still great stuff. You should consider putting these up on FFnet, as well. There's a dire lack of SoujixNaoto anywhere.
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