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Reviews for Mine

By : CloudVegetaStrife

From KamirineGoddess on June 09, 2009
Please get a beta reader. Your paragraphs and sentences run together and you can't seem to decide whether you want to stay in first or third person when the characters speak. (I noticed at one point, when Sora was explaining about Kairi, he referred to himself in third person instead of first person.)

Your story also goes entirely too fast. Nothing is really established well and it just seems to all run together like a big blur of WTF.
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