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Reviews for Mitochondria Adam

By : kamiyoni
  • From ANON - revan193 on September 16, 2012
    This fic seems like a good story, but I want to see new chapters to have a definitive opinion. Please, update this fic!
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  • From LadyAlexiel on February 01, 2010
    This story is very interesting!! I really like the idea of their mitochondria reacting to each other like that, it makes a lot of sense! Just an idea for the wedding night, if you want to use it, it would be kinda awsome if their mitochondria reacted strongly with each other, you know...make them transform or set part of the room on fire or something along those lines. Anyway I can't wait for the next chapter!! I love Parasite Eve, both the first one and the second!!
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  • From salarta on January 20, 2010
    Strange how I missed this when it first got posted.

    There are things I like and dislikes about the fic. The "official document" or "journal entry" angle is a nice, unique touch that I don't normally see in fics. The "my Mitochondria are making me attracted to this boy" approach is also a nice one to justify Aya wanting to be with the boy, though I'm not sure whether or not Mitochondria could do such things. But then, it's not like it could make people set on fire in the real world either, so I suppose it's okay regardless. :P In other words, that explanation is great for making something normally out of character happen and remain plausible. Oh, and I do like the relationship itself; there's just something intriguing about a grown woman that can certainly have her pick of a man hooking up with a young boy, much to her embarrassment.

    And now, for issues I had. Spelling and grammar mistakes are an issue in this first chapter, and they can be fixed with a spellcheck in something like Microsoft Word in many cases. Another thing is Maeda. He's added as part of the justification for Aya to get hitched, and an outside influence prodding her to do it is an excellent way to also play up an embarrassment angle at Aya stooping to taking a young boy not much older than Eve as her husband. But, it doesn't seem like Maeda would make such a suggestion when he has a crush on Aya himself, and it comes off weird regardless since he's not a mad scientist like Hojo from FF7 or anything of that nature. And the last one, not really a problem, I would've loved more explanation, description and build-up to their getting married. Aya's shock at the government pulling strings to allow her to marry an underaged boy due to the children they might create would have been great. Aya's embarrassment at walking down the aisle in some kind of wedding dress, with or without guests but with Eve as her maid of honor or flower girl, would've been even better. In essence, I think a gradual build up before the inevitable sex and impregnation, to show exactly how Aya feels about the situation and turning it into the big event in her life that it should be, would make the fic that much more amazing.

    Sorry for the long review, but I felt I should give it since I DO like the premise!
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  • From animekid on January 20, 2010
    wow...first PE story just throws a punch right in my face.....

    O.C. and guy didn't get the girl at the end? ZOMG! BAM XD

    I'm actually curious on what personality the kid would have >_>; since there isn't much of an intro...*was hoping she would end up with the dorky scientist and snaps fingers*

    still keep up the good work; only PE story left on this site; used to be two others....
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  • From ninesenshi on January 19, 2010
    Decently written, though awkwardly worded in places. FYI, `Kami' has many meanings. It can be used for God (the western concept), also for the spirits of nature, also can mean `hair', `paper', etc. Well, you handled the set-up. Hopefully the meat of the story will be sexy.
    SailorNemesis
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