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Reviews for Breathe

By : logsig123
  • From AdamLi on February 20, 2012
    I am amazed by the thought that went into writing this! The story's pacing was very well done and I can't put into words the amount of satisfaction reading the final chapter gave. Please do write more like this!
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  • From ANON - Hiya on February 04, 2012
    Yay finally a m/m shep/kaid fic!!! good job!! make more
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  • From AdultSmehur on January 29, 2012
    I'm no fan of Kaidan, but you've made him into such an interesting character. Like I said elsewhere, your portrayal of characters and your dialogs are gold. Gold! And you have a gift for perfect placement of those little details that are so crucial for the atmosphere, like the "new-ship smell" thing, and the bit with flinching when you expect the recoil - god, I loved those so much.

    One thing I have to say, though, and it's a recurring theme in the three longer stories you have here. For all the lead-up, the sex scenes are a tiny bit underwhelming. Enjoyable, but not entirely satisfying. In this story, the foreplay was excellent, but then the act itself was dealt away with in two paragraphs; the main event, so to speak - in one sentence; and the climax - in a word. Many writers of erotic fiction make this mistake. "He shuddered" - and that's it. (I know you don't use this phrase, but many do.) As a reader, I want more than that. I want to know how it looks, how it sounds, how it smells and tastes. How it feels. Why is there nothing about the warmth of Kaidan's skin in the end, when it figures so prominently in the beginning?

    Don't take me wrong. Your stories would stand their ground beautifully even without any sex at all. But if you want to conclude them with explicit descriptions, consider giving them more "screen time."

    PS
    I'm new to this site... is there no way to send a PM? If you want to talk more (I'd love to), I'm "Smehur" on LJ and FFN.
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