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Reviews for Live To Serve

By : crymsonpassion
  • From RogueMudblood on June 27, 2012

    I think you've got quite a PWP here with Axel and Roxas, and it was certainly an interesting read.

    I would be remiss, though, if I did not suggest a read-through before posting. You've got few typos that jar me out of the story. (began to grown, it lead the blond, worse thing was that the Axel, enjoyed this encounters, a game they plated, the blond's now exposed read) They're not overly abundant; however, the few that are there are placed in such a way that they distract me from your tale.

    I do have to question how Axel is able to view Roxas' nipples when he has been rutting against his backside and Roxas has been laying on his stomach. Perhaps some note as to him turning over to his back?

    Also, you have Roxas make the comment "even after all these years." Earlier in the tale, you state that he's been the valet for only two years. Perhaps "even after all their encounters" would be better suited to convey your meaning.

    If you ever choose to expand this piece, it would be interesting to see how the relationship developed from that first introduction when Axel was entertaining a lady, and how it further develops now that Axel is engaged to be married to another. You could have gone in a completely different direction at the end. I appreciate that you didn't.

    Thank you for sharing, and happy writing to you.
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