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Reviews for The Price of Freedom

By : Raiethstar
  • From ANON - Wraith on August 11, 2012
    Like it, keep going.
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  • From Raiethstar on August 07, 2012
    The whole chapter is solely from Cloud's pov. It never changes. (This will change in future chapters, but will be clearly marked as both char are men.)

    Italics are flashbacks/dreams. The dreams reference events that happen in FF7 but with the new KH bent.

    That it's Zack was hinted at in his very first line. (However someone not really into ff7 fandom wouldn't have picked up on it I guess.) That it's not in quotations implies he is not speaking aloud but not exactly how. This is intentional, and will be explored in far more depth in the next chapter.

    Exactly what the hell Zack and Cloud ARE is actually quite a massive question and at this point in time even they don't know all the details. (I do though so no worries that the story will wander weirdly). Anyone who is very familiar with Kingdom Hearts "biology" should have some hint, as I have touched on their natures.

    What exactly are Zack and Cloud feeding off?
    I stated that they feed off the heartless quite clearly I thought. If you are asking what specifically they feed off in a heartless then that'll have o wait till next chapter. (Think about what heartless are, and how Cloud describes that particular power.)

    What's the deal with Vincent - was he Cloud's lover?
    Maybe, maybe not. Vincent fulfilled Zacks role in the lab escape, as Zack couldn't. He died before the story started, just like Zack in FF7.

    who are "they" (the ones cloud can't love like) -> "icy kitten" and the "fiery songbird" who they are is hinted at in the very next scene, picking up on who the girl is this early requires knowledge of crisis core. (spoilers: you meet them soon) (This once again refers to what exactly he is, and is one of the clues to his nature.)

    The flashback/dream to them in tanks references what happens in ff7 during the five year mansion 'stay', where Zack would talk constantly to keep Cloud sane. I will concede that having Zack suddenly talk aloud after only talking in // could be confusing. So that is something I will look into fixing. For clarity until I do, only Zack speaks aloud during that scene, Cloud isn't quite all there at this point. I was hoping that the way he talks would come through but I will fix it.

    The flashback/dreams are intended to be confusing and more sensation than detail as that is how Cloud remembers them. Although he does/will not have Mako addiction (Mako doesn't exist) he wasn't all there back then. (There is a chance however that Zack remembers events more clearly.) However, every word has actually be chosen with some care so pay special attention to turns of phrase like "a swirl of red fabric and the smell of gun powder' with a voice 'like liquid black velvet' holding him up with 'brass claws' and is a 'demon stitched into human flesh'. Remind you of anyone?

    TLDR:
    The first chapter is mostly atmosphere, hints and plot hooks. The second chapter is where the exposition really starts getting layered on.
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  • From ANON - Lady-Butterfly on August 05, 2012
    Ooh, Zack and Cloud! How I love them together. Luckily, I love Cloud and Leon together, too, so this story is like a dream for me! Your writing style is very rich and poetic, it's interesting. Your characterization of Zack is pretty spot-on, too. Unfortunately, I have no idea what is happening.

    Because you use "he" so much, I struggle to identify who is speaking. In fact, at several points I have no idea who is speaking whatsoever, and it took me a long time to figure out that Zack is speaking (?) within I enjoy the story less than I should!

    Along the same lines, I'm not sure if you're trying to be mysterious or not, but the lack of explanation in regard to what is going on with Zack/Cloud, and the vagueness of the flashbacks leave me knowing nothing whatsoever. That's more frustrating than intriguing. Are they vampires? Is Zack a ghost? What happened to him? What exactly are Zack and Cloud feeding off? What's the deal with Vincent - was he Cloud's lover? What does Cloud mean when he says he wishes he could love Zack like "them," and who are "they?" Who is the "icy kitten" and the "fiery songbird," and who is speaking about them?

    Hope this helps! I'm looking forward to reading more!
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