Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Into the Unknown

By : Spiritwolf71
  • From ANON - Scott on October 29, 2012
    Not sure about the other glaxay concept but I like the characters. I hope Elysia turns out ok
    Report Review

  • From RogueMudblood on October 02, 2012

    I always start with technical notes first, as the technical skill determines the readability of the piece.

    First, you have a typo in your summary: Lead should be Led. You have another in the first sentence: savour should be saviour - changes the whole meaning ;). The next sentence is a run-on. A good indicator for that is when you use the word "and" a lot in the same sentence.

    You've got several typos, actually, that a read-through could fix. Honestly, that's where I would start with this; typos distract from the story itself because I'm having to mentally correct the words in order to make the sentence read properly.

    Normally, I would say that you need to spell out 4 as four; however, in this instance it is part of a proper noun. The mistake here is in not capitalizing the word "Relay" as it is part of the name of the station.

    You also have punctuation issues, such as this sentence:

    That limited the tourism to two destinations the Parsons Galaxies and the Agamenon galaxy.

    Properly, it should read That limited the tourism to two destinations: the Parsons and Agamemnon galaxies. Punctuation helps to clarify meaning, giving the reader a better understanding of what you're trying to convey.


    To the story itself, I think you're off to an excellent start with the plot. I liked the action of the crash scene, as well as the way that you ended the chapter. Though this reads somewhat like a prologue, it's an interesting beginning.

    I only recommend that you do give the story a read-through at least once in order to catch some of the more glaring typos, as I understand that you are currently without a beta.

    I truly do think you could have an excellent action story here. I know you mentioned pairings in the end of your story, but honestly, the adventure alone would be worth the tale.

    Happy writing!
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!