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Reviews for The Forsworn Retribution

By : Samson

From ANON - Dan on August 20, 2016
Wow this is awsome cant wait for the next waht if.

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From ANON - Matt on August 20, 2016
I love this story i wanted to see a what if maybe Max is a vampire lord and has the main cast of girls work under him as servents are slaves are something.

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From ANON - James on August 18, 2016
Hey there Samson just wanted to say really enjoyed your story don't know if your still taking request but i would like to see maybe Max has a position of power are something and he takes fujll advantage of it.

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From ANON - Devin on August 18, 2016
I liked the max and gabby noble idea you had maid stuff is always great i say go for it.

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From ANON - on August 18, 2016
I like the idea with max and gabby as noble it sound awsome. :)

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From ANON - ImWiredSoWat on August 16, 2016
I would really like to see something to do with Bunny and her yummy little bubble butt. But otherwise all the other ideas are cool too.

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From ANON - Anon on June 14, 2016
That was bittersweet.

I actually remember that when Gabriella's name was revealed I thought "Oh, like the dark elf from DB. Weird". Nice to know that wasn't that coincidence. I'm also guessing Anya is Niranye. Never gonna be able to look at either the same way again. Definitely made me care more about the DB questline. Now you've got me wondering about the the other characters, but I'm 90% sure the rest are pure OCs rather then weird OC/Canon Character hybrids.

Amazingly well written, kind of sad to see it end. Excited to see what kind of work you plan for the future.
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From ANON - Miller on June 08, 2016
Wow. What an awsome read this has been.the journey has come to a close. As for the what if options, maybe make an end were max becomes a vamp with sabrina? Just a thought. Anyways amazing story.
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From ANON - Anon on April 18, 2016
U have been reading this story since the beginning, and i love it. The sex scenes are the best, but the overall plot is good too. Please do extra bonus sex scenes as well, i cant believe mire people havent reviewed
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From ANON - Ladybug91 on January 27, 2016
It's about time!!! I've been waiting for months for an update. Though you forgot about us. As always, your writing style is fantastic, it like I can see exactly what is going on between Max and his ladies. Can't wait until the next update. AND WHERE'S THE SEXY TIMES!!! I think Anya needs a little punishment for almost getting the spotted and killed. Thanks again for the update. Keep them coming.

Ladybug91
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From ANON - Miss_Ladybug on August 16, 2015
It's been awhile, I'm glad you decided to continue this story. I've been reading your other stories you've written but this is by far my favorite. I'm curious on how you're going to include the Dark Brotherhood into the story. Thanks for writing Samson
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From ANON - ZeoUnut on May 14, 2015
Now this is a nice chapter. Each protagonist got some development and some got more of their background story's.
We see some of the "villains" motivations and it sure gives more realistic view why some of them act as they do.
There are some clashes between characters and shown that they stand firm to what think it right, really nice way to solidified them as unique characters. Good job there.
I like how this chapter use some events to show that characters in the story are constantly developing and even maybe changeling overtime, hopefully you will keep this up in the future and maybe try to write individual story acts as you did for in core for the Bunny and her sister StraightArrow. Think of it as "side quest" or "loyalty missions" from mass effect.

The story now is starts to be really interesting with conflicting things with Bunny, her sister, the elder and Maximus.
Maybe some of the current elders were responsible for his parent death or maybe know who is. It would be one hell of a twistreveal somehow that all this years he was wrong on who kill them and maybe it was some kind of scream to raise more blame on Bunny's people. It would be perfect setup with their altitude as it is to make people more hostile to actively try to hunt and kill or something in those lines. It could also give you good setup to make a sequel for this one. I will admit, I would love to see more of this story(characters). Maybe make prequel for characters we known right until the point where they join the Max and this story starts. Sure we would know the end of it but all before that would be interesting to see.

Ether way the chapter it self is really well done, a lot of emotions and development. Hope to see more of it at this level of refinement. Good job there.

Best wishes and good writing from ZeoUnit
PC: sorry for the bad English
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From ANON - Mr.Death on May 08, 2015
Very good development in this one. So many things happening in one chapter. Glad you expand on Bunny's sister background. Gives nice feel to it. Many issues push forward in this one. Wish you don't plan to finish it soon...
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From ANON - Mr.Death on March 28, 2015
Woah some heavy review here. O.o
Been a while when I seen some of this caliber on this kind of story.
But the guy dose have a point. I read this story so far and the vibe is more of the plot driven story with a lot of mature content in it. The character are developed in certain way by some mature events. It will kinda break immersion of full story. Its fine with characters that are not involved so far i think but how would you implement it to fix nicely with others that I don't know.
The Arrow character don't strike me as main villain, more like a puppet that some higher in food chain use and force his ideal on her. Im sorry but i just dont see her like that. More like a brat thats angry that she lost her toy or anoyed that her sis got something she didnt.

There now one more heavy review on the list. And would love to see how will Anya end up. Update please.
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From ANON - ZeoUnit on February 27, 2015
Personally I like this chapter. The part with Sabrina was fine and in truth flesh out some interesting issues. The very notion that she loves him not likes him put some nice oportunitys. What will happened when all comes with similar conclusion. I mean Gabriella basicly killed the person for him. She maybe say it because they would be discovered but from the events so far its more going in the line of he will be in danger.

The story progress more and I'm perfectly fine if no sex for sometime. I don't have any problems with "vanilla" As you put it, but you already put some ground on how their all relationships work so going back to "vanilla" should be in mycopinion reintroduce with some new development you show in to this character. Max could have a bit of character development with the the revelation of changes in girls feeling. For now subtile I'd you want to make this nice arc for him to develop as character.

You will also need to take in consideration what happened so far and how would "vanilla" be seen by individual character(girl) as a sign. They did kinda "share" so far. If you add in the mix that you already have proclamation of love in the mix... Well let's say there would be a lot of people felt burn.
What I liked about this story that it felt as just that, a story with adult content. My advice is focus on the story and character development. How would they react to some things that happened and what would be after effect on them.

I will state I'm not here because of orgy or sex scene's in general. They are ok and does give point how you develop the character relationship but I'm more interested how will story it self progress.

You out straight arrow as main villain so far but she still doesn't give me that vibe. She is like more like a brat that's pissed off at her little sis that she left parent home to live on her own and tried to out weight her in any way.
Sure she is OK character but I'm still more in for idea that she should be with Bunny. The main villain if needed one from their tribe to be one should be ether their parents at worse or their leader that is piss off at Max for taking the next generation that should continue legacy. Its more convincing for leaders resentment and revenge is by backed up with Max been what he is.

Straight arrow is to young to have that kind of burning conviction as a character. Simply put she is to fresh of patch of clay that is still not moulted out and finished. The old people of tribe are moulded long time now. So it would be more realistic if you made someone else pulls straight arrow strings and put pressure on her to bring bunny back to the tribe. Straight is ideal person to be used for that. They are sisters so there will be emotinal effect on Bunny and she is skilled person that can truck her down
After events with Bunny and straight you could use that part to flesh out more of Bunny's character. True her sister approach was not that great but it would still put her in many things to think about. Maybe even put her in to conflict. For the first time in her life her tribe NEEDED her for something, she was needed to help them. Emotions are powerful weapons if played right. And Straight arrow even though it was not a plan I think put possible seed of conflicting feeling in her. Its nice opportunity to make more development for Bunny and even Max who trying to get some revenge for something that happened long time ago. Let's face it how many of same thing did Max in the course of things we fallow him he made exactly same thing to som other child or person in general. Bottom line is its just base of who's side of the coin you see same events.

Anya in last orgy show some interest true but felt uncomfortable with it. You could try to use that one to bring in "vanilla" part of the story but again careful how you do it or you will break the immersion of the story flow. Keep it in the bounds of realistic things and no I'm not talking about sex...
It will be interesting how will things go from here from her character development and her working with all of them, like it or not she is stuck with them. With Gabriella action it should have given Anya base idea why is good to try to gain their trust and IDont mean because Gabriella killed the guy out of blue it because she killed the guy to protect her, sure its more on line to protect the group(probably Max of all) but it establish important fact, and that is that they look out for each other and are willing to go a long way to ensure safety to each and everyone. They went with so much to her back Max and Unlike some gang of mercenary's that band to get gold this group sticks together and it really shows in the story. For crying out they have entire orgys...
So I think this few key things that Anya know and witness it would made her think about some things in general. Maybe try to get to know some better or something on those lines.

For the sex part I'm fine whatever you want as long as it not break the story flow and not be out of character and logo flow of story.

Sorry for the long runt you did say you wanted some of the opinions, I'm aware that most of my opinions are probably not what you meant by it but I just wanted to give you what I think about it and how I see it in general. Hope you don't get offended it was not my attention to do that

Ether way best wishes and good writing from ZeoUnit
PS: Sorry for the bad English...

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