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Reviews for She Was Loved By The Multitudes

By : Johnny-Topside
  • From ANON - ZeoUnit on August 04, 2015
    Nice one. Looks like Jerrod has problem with mass amount of "personality's". I can see with ease that what you written in here happening. With them trying to fight or work together for their goals or control.
    The part with Sindel little betrayal was nice touch. It would be logical outcome. But she might get surprise how he might end up treating her considering that Jerrod in the end might really end up as Ermac. He as union of many many minds and some seems to not be as "Noble" as Jerrod and would be perfectly fine to do even some cruel things to get their way or to... shall we say " get their point across" maybe with nice little body part as a gift to Sindel that belong to someone that dare touch something that was not supposed to be touch. Later he could try to make peace with some "spoils of war"gifts to get on her good side. I don't think it would not work, considering even if it was justified in a seance with not been in contact with her let's be honest and face the fact, the only reason he was not in contact with her was because he did everything in his power to make them all safe( witch ironically is what Sindel demanded from her guards so a bit of clinical guilt would be nice to the spice things up) and bring their old home back while he himself is struggle to keep his own mind in control. it would be interesting if you would made it in someway that this facts are pointed out by her daughter Kitana considering she could give Sindel a argument that Sindel also didn't put effort it to it. At least Jerrod tries when he finds any single meaningless moment to get close,( at least base on what we seen so far) all Sindel did after they are back is to continue to cheat on him. BTW is it me or Sindel felt like she was on the shall we say on M side of plain in that bedroom scene.

    Tanya moment was done great. I like how you did the fight and I like how she have seen possible moment to take advantage.The part at the end where she attack him while they doing was not to smart from her I think. She seen that she had a effect on him, she doesn't know why or what kind in seance that he is on limit on switching personality's but it did open possibilities for her that she might get on the road for throne, he is a ruler after all. If apply logic if she gets on his "good side" she might get access to thing and protection from certain things. Granted she can't be sure since she doesn't know about other in his head or if that little plan could back fire but it is one road that is open and it promice a lot of worth if taken a risk, plus she has knowledge how to try to save her hide if she gets cought she could try to play on his attraction for her. Either die as traitor or offer some kind of "service" or a deal. What her status would be in that case is not that clear but considering she tried to kill them(Ermac) their next encounter might not go that friendly as before, ending up with her beat in to submission as consequences of her past action with Jerrod. It would be interesting to see how would Sindel react to see that kind of huge difrence and display of dominance considering that scene in her bedroom.
    If I would I had to pick one out for next part of the story it would have to be Mileena. Not sure how would you go with this one. If you as you said go with the mk9 version she is well in core more like a crazy animal if gone by description in the game. Mind of a blank slate, perfect for molding considering Jerrod beat her "father" so by default stronger then him she might resent Jerrod or even fear him, but still be extremely dangerous person Jerrod has in his possesion. Like cage animal that need to be train to properly behaves and kept on tight leash at her masters feet. I can't see her anywhere at start of the story relationship except in Jerrod "personal" dungeon. At least until things develop or he breaks her in. I don't see her any other way to keep her in the story if you don't want to keep her inside of dungeon in chains if she does not become come thing like a trophy for Ermac and that she in time get to attach to him in her childish mind in afraid to disappoint him or something in those lines(maybe try to help her out after she is put "under control" or something). It would also give some conflict with Kitana or she might try to reach out to her half sister and liberated her from Mileena's current position usind argument that she is made by her blood. On contrast made Mileena in her childish mind see Kitana trying to snatch her new Father by separating her from him and leading to some conflict. Maybe end up with two showing affection and comfort as Kitana start learning things about Mileena and her life beyond simple out right appearance, and idea of insane person.

    You could also introduce Skarlet. I don't know why but I like her a lot it felt like she is just innocent conscript that was just born from blood of fallen warriors. I could see Jerrod finding her somewhere locked up by shao kahn when not needed and try to get her to be more then just mindless killer, after all his base on souls while she is base on their blood so it has some connection. It could also be good trump card for some good "deus ex machina" event to save Ermac from some hard places if stuck or for some plot twist with his family.

    Jade appears as character that has some concerns for her king. Basing on that last part that she give info only to king(you could use this part of conversation that that personal info was that she found locked up conscript Scarlet and add her in the story) I get the feeling she is more loyal to Jarrod then Sindel. It could be speculated that she might know that Sindel is cheating on their king but can't say anything openly and risk her life with that statement. It sure would give her nice character development if it would be true that she acknowledge Jerrod effort to keep them safe on the account that se sacrifices his personal life for the sake of his realm. She could be more of a motherly or one sided love interest in your story. It sure would give some intriguing moment if she later learns of his personality problems and try to help him anyway she can't, body and mind. Sort of like his light of hope for acknowledgement with his wife at least for now not shown any understanding. It could bring some events with encounter with her and Sindel later in the story as they clash what both think other doesn't deserve with Tanya and rest plotting in the background. Maybe even make so that not all know of each others to certain point of time.

    You could try to give some personality to some of more dominant souls that we hear. Maybe even some of them are from different realms. Considering that they are talking it would stand for a reasonable assumption that they could try to get to some agreement between them if given a chance. Maybe even made it so they could switch places but only in presence of trust worthy people or when alone with other (Jerrod included) commenting in background. You could make it at first that happened by accident or while He was render unconscious in battle. Would be cool that there is someone that is by far more powerfull and sadistic in fights but lack the will motivation to take over. Could lead to Jerrod get the title of merciless to the enemy's that treat his domain. Maybe at that time he give Aiden a sadistic hint about what he thought about him been his wife plaything( in a seance she is since they all are Ermac.. Like a high mind collective... A perfect warrior comprise of men and women of different skills, realms and times.)

    Well either way sorry that a spawn this much, I'm pretty sure 99% would be just waste of space to you but I just wanted to try to help you a bit with some idea or two that I thought you could use. I know they are on amateur lever but if it helps you at least a little then it was worth it.
    Well then best wishes and good writing from ZeoUnit
    Ps: Sorry for the bad English...



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