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Reviews for Breaking of Croft

By : Fox_JJ
  • From MorbidFantasy on February 22, 2016
    Since you're going to consolidate this chapter into your other fic, I'm going to suggest a slight reorganization edit.

    Think of the action like you would the scenes of a movie. Every time you have a new shot, start a new paragraph. Descriptions can stay in one paragraph, but mentally it's easier for readers to keep track of the action as well as not skim over necessary "action shots" by accident.

    I don't claim to be perfect or even really good at the above myself, but usually when I finish a chapter I'll read it through a few times and almost always I end up separating several paragraphs into smaller ones.

    Basically as soon as you hit the dialogue portion of this chapter your organization cleaned up immensely because you're following the common convention of giving quotes their own paragraph. Do the same for action shots, examples being the beginning when Lara's mansion is being broken into.

    Otherwise, solid non-con chapter. I look forward to seeing how you fit this in with your other work's story.

    Cheerios
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