Reviews for Pokemon FireRed: DespairlockeBy : Atxdepboy |
More please
The over all premise is, interesting, though i would not call it hunger games meets pokemon as it has almost nothing in it that ties it to hunger games spesifically over just Dystopic fiction in general. The tour doesn't have the tributes from each town nor does it broadcast the tours which would be the two biggest things anyone who knows about the hunger games would expect, while the grand tour is used ot keep down the people that's not unique to hunger games.
The actual story is, okay so far. It feels fairly standard and I'm not entirely sure how you adapt a story like pokemon to have a machop as your starter without making it some kind of randomizer. I feel like you are relying to much on the time stamp style as it is half the reason the story feels disjointed. You could easily cut it out and use more generalized time passage mentions to create a more lose and natural story. Stamping out each hour and day after makes it feel like you're potentially cutting out small things like small interactions and thoughts that could be used to flesh out and humanize the main character. It's alright ot mention each day in general but marking down each change in hour feels a little stiff and dehumanizing which would only make sense if this was being broadcast which i can't find anywhere that says it is.
There is potential but it needs something that i can't easily quantify in words. I'm sorry.
While AFF and its agents attempt to remove all illegal works from the site as quickly and thoroughly as possible, there is always the possibility that some submissions may be overlooked or dismissed in error. The AFF system includes a rigorous and complex abuse control system in order to prevent improper use of the AFF service, and we hope that its deployment indicates a good-faith effort to eliminate any illegal material on the site in a fair and unbiased manner. This abuse control system is run in accordance with the strict guidelines specified above.
All works displayed here, whether pictorial or literary, are the property of their owners and not Adult-FanFiction.org. Opinions stated in profiles of users may not reflect the opinions or views of Adult-FanFiction.org or any of its owners, agents, or related entities.
Website Domain ©2002-2017 by Apollo. PHP scripting, CSS style sheets, Database layout & Original artwork ©2005-2017 C. Kennington. Restructured Database & Forum skins ©2007-2017 J. Salva. Images, coding, and any other potentially liftable content may not be used without express written permission from their respective creator(s). Thank you for visiting!
Powered by Fiction Portal 2.0
Modifications © Manta2g, DemonGoddess
Site Owner - Apollo