So I read your stuff. Pretty decent. It prompted me to make this account and give you an actual review at least. This is going to be a review of your writing on this site in general though, although I will certainly highlight specifics from this chapter.

I have to say I think you are definitely one of the better writers of smut I've seen. Having any semblance of plot or character kind of already puts you a step above the rest of course, but you write fairly well in addition to all that making the end result fairly enjoyable to read.

However,  I didn't come and make this account simply to give praise. You've gotten quite a lot of that already as is. No, I'm here to talk about all the things that bother me about your stories. I just want you to keep in mind that even though the following may come off as a bit of rant, I really do enjoy your work. These are all just my personal critiques of course so take them with a grain of salt.

First off, the easy stuff. You could stand to do a little more proofreading(or get someone to proofread for you). I know, I know, easy complaint- but there are a number of small grammatical and spelling errors that throw off the flow of your writing, sometimes strung together in quick succession, with this story in particular having a number of them in the first half.

The following criticism is also kind of a proofreading error, but I’ve only seen it's like with your writing in particular so I thought I’d make a note of it. Frequently, almost once per chapter in your stories I will run into a passage like this:

“Mma, ah.” Smacking her lips and leaning away from her stunned, blushing sister, Anna shot

“Mma, aheh! I’ve never done it with a girl before, it’s exciting!” Smacking her lips together happily as she broke the kiss and leaned away from her stunned, blushing sister, Anna shot Robin a characteristically cheeky grin, “C’mon, don’t be jealous loverboy, you kissed another girl, it’s only fair I get to, too!”

Do you see what's happening here? You write like half of what you intend to write, stop, and then write it again but changed. It’s bizarre and I’ve noticed it crop up fairly frequently. Again, simply do a proofread or request someone to do it for you and mistakes like these should be far less frequent.

Onto more specific and personal critiques to your writing, I feel that there are entirely too many of the “I-GHaaaah!” “MmmMMPPPH!” and- well, you get the idea. These should be used much more in moderation than they currently are, if at all. What you accomplish with these you can often get from simply describing how the characters are reacting. Why have them do this when you can simply describe a moan or whatever in deeper detail?  I would look to vary up your descriptions more and add in detail rather than resorting to quotations like the above.

Regarding character writing itself, the male in these stories often feels a little too power fantasy for me. I mean, of course that's half of the appeal in these sorts of Harem King kind of stories , I totally get that. But I think it would be nice to have a chapter where Robin or whoever actually fails at what they want to accomplish, or are otherwise thwarted. Things seem to go all according to plan with regards to his various seductions too often. It would be nice to see someone try to turn the tables on him or think themselves to be the dominant ones in the relationship, at least for a time. That’s more of a personal request though than anything else.

That’s all I have to say for this review, though there are several other minor quibbles I could list like how I dislike flashbacks or how the saying of Naga, while technically correct in the universe, feels very strange, but I think I will leave it at that for now.

I hope that this didn’t sound too harsh or anything, your work really is quite decent. Thanks for actually being someone who puts the work in when it comes to writing stuff like this. I’d appreciate a response to this review, even if it’s just to call me a numbskull who has no business reviewing your pulitzer prize winning smut.