Reviews for Kotor II LSFBy : Delta_38 |
Decent, simple and to the point which I generally appreciate in hentai fics. Basically just a slutty Jedi being taken by varoius aliens. I would spend more time on the sex, a few more paragraphs at least of describing it as the sex is the main point of the story. Work on that.
I gotta admit the second chapter is a whole lot different from the first.
Please keep in mind different doesn't mean worse or better, just a different approach.
I liked how you wrote with more details as compared to the first chapter, but please keep in mind that quality is worth more as quantity. I had the feeling as if you rushed the chapter to publish it earlier.
Like if possible write some more of a backstory to it or write more to what happened with her during the night and let her return to her crew in the morning.
What baffles me aswell is the quick change your character goes through, from a selfcentered, quickwitted Jedi who learned how to best the sith and the worst of the criminal scum to a cum hungry slut begging to be bred.
An Explanation how that happened would be nice, hint drugs or mindcontrol due the force works very well in such a case.
I hope the review is a bit helpfull for you, if not then just say so in the next chap. I don't wanna tell you things you don't wanna hear or make you feel uncomfortable. I am merely trying to help.
The story had a nice concept but you are rushing the story quite a lot. Maybe you should spend some more time developing it and also writing some more details in it.
So far i haven't meet a girl in my life who got wet in barely seconds. Or like he fucks her ass without any lubrication and she doesn't scream in pain or bleeds (or is a little joke how small he is ;D)
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