I read the first chapter of the story and even though Chun-Li might not be personal favorite I enjoyed it. It must be one or two decades since I thought about the character last time, The disclamer give some hints about what settings that will provide victims/characters for the story and it be will interesting to see if you let characters paths cross or if is more of a gauntlet thing.

As for the action in the first chapter the setting I did not quite get Chun-Li vibes from the fights. My memory of the character from the games is much more centered around kicks. On the other hand Chun-Li was taken by surprise and it seems a return match might turn quite different.

The following sex scene is decent, but more focus on blood than I prefer myself. One other thing that I found a bit irritating is the tv-trope about characters dealing with undead without recognizing what they are. Nothing wrong with this, but after The Walking Dead this tv-trope has lost much of its appeal.

Chapter Fifteen

To the end!

Ok, Satsuki getting marked for the successful hunt like Machiko back in the old Aliens vs Predator novel was an awesome little scene. I also liked him playing back the ‘It’s Tradition’ message – very Pred! They don’t have to just use the playbacks to be an asshole!

With their interaction before the door opening, and in the earlier part when he broke up the starting fight it totally feels like some Chun Li / Kyle Reece romance is blooming. Alla that blushing! Dude’s not got a great track record of dating women in dangerous situations… Totally get his motivation tho – she is awesome! Was neat to see them getting into a good kiss.  It doesn’t feel forced at all, very natural progression like. And awww! Their embarrassed reactions, with Chun Li covering her mouth and blushing. Awww! I mean, I’d sure like to read ‘em boning, but that’s still adorable.

Straight up laughing out loud here at the image of the big Predator trying to get under the shower and finding it too cold! Hilarious mental image.

So, we get one big fucker killed but they’re still trapped there, but it feels like a hopeful ending at least for now – unless something super unfair is dropped on them ([big badforce] teleporting in a buncha super zombies like Left 4 Dead’s director in a particularly sadistic mood) – it seems like they have a chance… but maybe that’s what previous groups thought.

So… overall review? It is a great story. I hope the two of you are happy with how it came out because for the most part I had a great time reading it. Figured I’d finish with a few favorites:

Favorite monster attack – the tentacle impregnation thing on Carol

Favorite death scene – Tania giving birth. Bathory’s reactions really sold it.

Favorite Funny moment – late entry, Night Eyes trying to get in the shower, before that it was probably the zombie wank.

Favorite character – double one this- Chun Li from the characters I’m familiar with, Satsuki from the ones I’m not.

Least favorite character – Didn’t have one. They all had a role to play!

I hope you feel up to posting the second arc - AFF can be really bad at posting reviews on stuff, especially stuff with more extreme content - but from the edited version IBD sent me it was a great follow up.

G’luck!

*Bravo*

What  good epilogue and perfect finish. The monster is at last dead. At fiting end and a nice little thread that not all the monsters will come from wiithout.

Payas leitjin-de! Can't wait for the next one. Message me when you decided to post it. Haha

Bpi-de <3

That battle was simply amazing magnificant. *chef kiss*

Chapter Fourteen

First time I read this I told IBD “I don’t know if it’s because I’ve read a bunch in one go, or it’s just me, but the fight scene here wasn’t quite as gripping as some of the previous ones for me. Which felt like a shame because I was really looking forward to it! Still some great moments.” And now I can say that it really was just from reading a whole load in one go, as having a week between parts removes the reading fatigue and gets it gripping again.

Heh, gotta love Satsuki glaring Kyle into silence. Kinda badass her.

I loved how they lured it through the bunker to the place of the fight, taking over like a relay – and Mary Jane slowing it down with a blast of web at the leg to yank it off its feet was a super spiderman style image – along with that great spider sense image. I thought Kyle might get taken out here with a flipped tail – and again, the description of how his background, his raising in the SkyNet period left him facing it was some neat background. This is the kind of city where he might get covered in peanut butter and chocolate before being dismembered and eaten, just ‘cos [unnamed here evil force behind it all] fancied some Reece’s Pieces…

Also, Chun Li getting in close and smacking it into the room with the ol’ game-like energy blast was another good image! Basically whenever Chun Li does something I recognise from one of the games I go full fanmode reaction!

One point I liked was the Predator realising what type of critter it actually was, and knowing fear, but also realising that since the humans were having a good scrap with it he couldn’t just quit and run and I really liked Satsuki’s last scrap with it at the end and splitting that phallic headed fucker was a pretty cool moment!

Well, one part to go…

Chapter 13 - After the heavy action and fighting this felt like one of those breather episodes (after the initial explosion) and it’s solid for the story pacing!

Just realised that Bathory’s reaction to the alien critter killing Ash is kinda like Ash’s in the original Alien – just super impressed with it as a killing machine.

I know she’s a nazi and all – and holy shit, that was a not subtle reminder with her thought on the “the universe didn’t like her kind, did it” – but seeing Bathory effectively deal with Satsuki’s wounds (after that awesome, ‘getting the blade to her throat’ moment) and also the Pred’s internal bleeding was a good character moment. I mean, she can do that stuff she just prefers the twisted experimentation, right?

Chun Li finally gets a bit snappy with the ol’ Victorian attitude. Makes sense! Probably a good thing Kyle was there to settle things down. After she and Cindy had had that connection I think it was also good how you folks showed how her death hit Chun Li. Some deaths are always gonna affect some of them more.

I sort of hoped the Predator would get on with them and there wouldn’t be some stupid understanding – pretty glad it worked out that way!  No unlucky 13 for this chapter! I suspect that Plasma caster being broken is gonna be an issue? Like Chekov’s gun, show a broken gun and it fails to fire in the final act…

That little line about it helping his esteem he wasn’t a captive was amusing! Also him being a little nonplussed by Satsuki’s lack of modesty.

Chapter 12 - Some great action in this chapter!

Spoiler-esque review -

Fuck! I totally thought it was Bathory coming to check out a death, but of course she is being super sneaky so wouldn’t have been making heel click noises. Gotta admire someone who hears gunfire in a place like that and runs towards it.

Satsuki’s transformation? Cool! Satsuki’s fight scene? Fuckin’ badass! Her gear sounds like it has some things in common with Venom, while being a shitload more powerful.

I really liked her catching that fuckin’ tail and slamming the critter into the wall with it.

…and then the old acid blood comes into play. Ouch! And then it challenges Mike Tyson with an ear bite! Extra ouch. Was a cool moment when Cindy got stuck in tho’

And, holy shit, when she gets her guts opened and she knows what’s gonna happen. Now that shit is some facing death with dignity.

That line

“She knew what was about to happen, but she didn’t cry or beg.”

That’s beautiful and also kind of badass in a different way.

I like how the chapter ends right before we see if it was effective, so the reader can hope it was… big bada boom! But then with the general way things go wrong in this kind of setting there’s also the chance it will either not work, or just make Cindy suffer. Find out next week!

Still fucking badass tho’

We got a Predator in the house Aw yeah. Party in the house but I won't be too hopeful considering what happens to the chosen ones with increasing frequency. Haha.

Great love for the lovingly dedication for gore that makes this story pop in that delightfully sadistic way.

Chapter 11

More bloodshed! Heck of a good’n.

Carol giving birth wasn’t as fun as Carol gettin’ impregnated, but it was still some lovely description of the critter bursting on out, and the distension of her belly before then.

Sorceress waking up and having that moment of fear and pointless attempt to escape before it started eating her - It was a really cool idea – fit in with the grimness of this city and setting! Bathory hiding and watching also felt very in character, even if she might stand a chance in a fight with the thing given she’s not entirely human herself. I liked the descriptions of it moving and then molting and growing. That’s a cool concept – made me wonder if there was a limit on how big it could get before collapsing under its own weight, or if I would automatically stop at a set level of development. A Godzilla sized xenomorph like critter would definitely suck for people facing it. Well, this is a job for… a PREDATOR! (my original comment and I stick by it!)

Cindy’s spider sense kicked in a little late there! Right up there with how Deanna Troi used to sense hostility around the time someone was shooting at her.

Those bullet smears are a great descriptive touch – downside of those hollowpoints, huh – but showing why they’re no good without telling it.

I thought Eliza’s shock seemed like a realistic reaction, and wow, that impalement was sudden. Cool description of the blood on the ceiling and lifted in the air. Nice that she was still worrying about Cindy in that situation. The ending with the high heels is great!

Part 10 – Whoo! New character! Big! Tough! Also a really hot fucking scene with some tentacles. Great stuff.

More spoilery:

…starts with a Predator! Who sounds like he probably ought to be hunting a certain other Predator with an elastic approach to the rules of the hunt. The guy reducing the multiverse’s supply of Lara Crofts with wild abandon. Ahem.  

"he was fairly certain that they did not usually stumble around stinking of death, moaning aloud and attempting to eat or fuck any living thing that came within arm's reach."

Well, he would think that. He hasn’t been to New Jersey.

The Cerebrivore design is cool – and the science stuff doesn’t get too tech heavy, it fits in well with the action. This badass Predator had a hell of a fun fight with it before free falling. Fuckin’ centipede had it coming.

Carol Marcus and the tentacle critter – Firstly, the bit from her POV at the start, her background and feelings was a good way to get into her head, then there was a great bit of suspense before nearly escaping… then the struggle, and the tentacles and the pumping down her throat was another very well written and sexy bit! I mean, to us perverts. I sure liked it anyway. I always wished I could write tentacle stuff as well as this kind of thing.

Totally see what you mean about Chun Li knowing the score with horror movies! Nice line there.

Gotta laugh at the pharmacy being right by an entrance :D Totally get Kyle’s reaction.

Ahhh… every time someone gets bitten by something I worry about their infection being a factor later. I like Chun Li! Centipede infesting critters cool idea tho – reminded me a little of the critters from the 2^nd, much worse, Starship Troopers movie, though they weren’t centipede like.

“Aliens are real where I’m from” “I’m wearing one” – One of those casual conversation starters to throw out :D Good lines though.

She kicked its head right off! Now that was fun to see. And a bit of a call back to the old game victory pose :D Love it.

So… Isabeau getting a little more respect for Chun Li now? Did help save her life! (This was my original comment, I’m leaving it here despite having seen how things go!)

Damn, say again, Carol’s bit was fun!

Great stuff guys!

Chapter nine

Another great chunk of action right here, really emphasising the sensual aspects of Sorceress' design before the violence starts! Really liked the descriptions here.

For a group that claims not to be in a horror movie, Sorceress sure was keen to go off on her own into a dark basement area!

That was a cool monster design – some very Resident Evil crossed with A New Hope feel to it. Given the fact that it went straight for breast, there seems to be some “InBrighestDay’s libido” in there too :p IBD told me it was a visitor from The Witcher, still on my ‘to play’ list there, though I’ve started on the books.

The way it started to feed was another good bit of description – and the effect of the acid and the effect on Isabeau before her flask gulp was pretty damn good. The story is getting into some solid guro phases now for sure.

All the talk about antibiotics/infection makes me wonder if something’s gonna be getting in through that wound beyond likes sepsis or some shit.

 “The weapons were clearly military grade but none of them were precisely recognisable” – heh, we’ve all been there- the damn game manufactures don’t want the expense of licensing real guns, so you end up with a  fucking “Klobb”. Also it works because if you aren’t using exact weapons then it ain’t gonna piss off a gun nut if some detail ain’t exactly right!

I may have overthought you guys usage of that line. And also the fact there’s no phased plasma rifle in the 50 watt range for Kyle.

I kinda like the idea of these badasses all heading off on push bikes too!

Part eight – This is a really fun part! I remember the first time I read it, my feedback was “fun part” and that still holds true! Keep going guys, this is a strong first arc.

Some random other thoughts -

Notice a bit of a Firefly echo there – “and if she was lucky”. I mean, at least they’re not making clothing out of her :D

I guessed dream sequence -nightmares totally make sense after what she went through – but I did wonder if they’re enhanced/worse as a result of the demon scratches she got before? Poor Cindy tho’ just trying to help! Chun Lis are like horses – you don’t approach them from a kickable angle if you might startle ‘em.

Debate in the centre of the mind! The ol’ Venom symbiote can be a fun character. I liked how it also didn’t have a fuckin’ clue what was going on in the zombie world. I’ve only read a few comics with venom to be fair, but definitely cooler to see characters I know I guess – I think that’s probably something that applies to a lot of fan works?

I liked the funeral. It’s the kind of thing people would have – at least at this stage, where there are still enough of them in civilised enough state to mourn the dead. That line about the thing still moving as it went in the incinerator was pretty cool. Also that line about not being able to remember the kid’s name – she barely knew him, then he was dead. Felt appropriate but also a good line.

One thing that didn’t get me before, I think because I read the chapters closer together, but the way in alternative sentences it refers to Ash by her real name of Eliza, then as Ash. Then back again. It took me a second to remember it was all one person!

Then on to… infected meat! I mean uh, Tania. That feeling of movement under her skin, and flicking back to the description of the ‘strange black liquid’ the knife went in – getting some Prometheus  flashbacks here. Can she run in a non-straight line?

…or is it just some kind of morning sickness? I read on, and see it’s probably both.

Great description of Bathory’s stretched buttons. Ahem.

The whole birthing sequence was brutal! Very well described. It had a really twisted eroticism to it, very much helped by Bathory’s voyeuristic gaze. Probably the high point of the violence so far in the story, and heck, if eating someone else means you’re one of the bad guys in this story she might even have had it coming.

Then, that straight up hilarious line “thing!” from Bathory. She might be twisted and evil, but she has a damn good sense of humor.

…just me then.

And, eep. This critter’s escaped. Well. Someone else is gonna get eaten down there then.

Chapter seven

There’s a line early on, about ignoring the cold and listening to the city’s nightmare chorus that is just beautifully atmospheric. Lovely line.

Also, Isabeau’s description of seeing Chun Li in the shower – that’s some good shit! Really nice description of her. Sexy and strong, just like Chun Li.

I like the starting subtlety of Isabeau’s very old fashioned attitude to race and how it becomes quickly more blatant. It starts with the mention of oriental/Orientals which could easily be missed, then drops the ol’ n-word, and mick and it’s “Oh, right, yeah. She’s from the 19^th century. Or possibly 21^st century MAGA forums.” There was a fuckton of anti-semitism back then, too. I mean, she does get on with the uncover Nazi…

More great description of just the smell of going into the room with the corpse and the corpse eating puppeted Natalia.

That point about using hollow points in the bunker made sense – long as something properly armoured doesn’t get down there!

…something properly armoured is gonna get down there, isn’t it?

Harry finally rises again!

Finally, loved that “put some clothes on” last line. Hilarious after the violence.

Definitely more action the last couple parts, but that isn’t putting down the earlier parts in the bunker!

Fascinating, Ya'll aren't afraid to kill off characters. To be fair, Harry was never going to survive a setting that isn't afraid to show gore and bloody murder.

As for the restless dead. Its fascinating

Part 6

Gotta say this is the part I am really super happy you didn’t go with an 11 year old Harry Potter. Super glad. Fun part though! Spoilers ahead.

Well, action heavy part! That hope spot in the vent worked really well, with Natalia thinking she’d managed to avoid it only to get it dropping down from above. The whole section had a really good visual horror movie/monster movie feel. And she manages to solve the other Black Widow’s problem at the end, which is surely a spot of luck! One spider-named character down already!

The critter from the vents – hadn’t realised the similarities when InBrightestDay first sent this part to me, but later on I was surprised to find out the inspiration apparently wasn’t DC Comics physically similar superheroine sex kitten ‘Guts’ from the newer version of Garth Ennis’ superhero team Section 8!

The sex scene was hot here- shit, this was super hot! Re-reading it I didn’t do it enough justice with my original comment, Harry just being fucked to exhaustion by this big-assed woman who can’t get enough. Pure sexy porn – and yes, I did enjoy when she started feeding on him. Very well described, particularly liked the way she just tore into his arm. Honestly, he kind’ve had it coming getting things on with a woman called ‘Black Widow’. It was pretty hot how she basically fucked him to exhaustion first tho – reading this gave me the same thought from earlier, is he infected from the knife gunk, and if so is she now infected from his infected meat? Which I guess is a ‘read on to find out’ or a ’just shout infected meat a lot, it works for me’

Gotta have gratuitous shower scenes in horror… I mean, it’s a rule or something.

I still say she was lucky in Harry’s body not re-animating as soon as was dead and going straight for her, the meal biting back, while she was chewing! And also lucky in having the guts-infested Black Widow show up just after she’s been thinking body disposal. Zombies monsters! The easy clean up solution. But, yeah, lucky over all? Maybe not.

“Infected meat! Infected meat!”