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Reviews for Bhaal Demands- Part 1

By : JuneMann
  • From ANON - Random Reviewer #423 on September 24, 2005
    This story needs a major, major rewrite. Aside from the multitude grammatical errors like missing punctuation, comma splices, run-on sentences, and a number other conventions that make the story very hard to read, it's next to impossible to keep up with it while the mainstay view is constantly shifting. The undead tricks Viconia pulls while supposedly being violated are commonly completely disconnecting from a logic standpoint. I read a number of passages 5 times and was still left asking myself what the hell just happened here.

    Get a grammar proofreader and use a lot more adjectives and descriptions. Readers aren't privy to your thought patterns, you need to baby them a bit.
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  • From ANON - bill on August 11, 2004
    you know its kind of freaky I use the name Kain for my PC too
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  • From ANON - Nightmare on June 12, 2004
    Hurry up and write the next chapter
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  • From ANON - Nightmare on June 10, 2004
    Very interesting and very good
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