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Reviews for A Day of Training.

By : Daedalus
  • From ThePairingGuy on November 09, 2008
    LOL at Isaac, 8 inches and he still can't make Mia cum! Guess it just goes to show that that's what happens when you skip over the foreplay, gentlemen.

    Some stumbles in the beginning. When you write fanfic you should be writing about the people and places of the video game, not the video game itself! Reading about someone's Golden Sun playthrough is pretty boring, even when it's just a paragraph or two.

    Anyway, otherwise this is excellent, very descriptive, goes on for just as long as it needs to. Definitely one of the sexiest fics in the GS section. Only problem is that in the beginning of their intercourse, you keep forgetting what position they're in. Here, look over that first paragraph:

    "Issac lay Mia down on the ground," - Okay, so Isaac's on top...
    "and Mia took control, turning them so that she was on top," - What, she waited until he laid her down and then flipped him onto the ground? Why didn't she just go on the top to begin with?
    "... as Issac would begin to pick up speed, her lightly shaven sea green pubic hairs had been rubbing against his stomach somewhat, as he trust himself deep into her." - WTF? Obviously Isaac's now on top, even though they never switched positions.

    So, make up your mind! They can't both be on top at the same time! Anyway, overall very good, and it's nice to see another writer out there who thinks Mia's done her fair share of sleeping around.
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  • From ANON - Omega X on June 06, 2005
    It's cool, I've had the same thing happen to me and other people, sucks about the computer. . . but nice on the Ivan/Sheba,


    Long live Mudshipping!!!!


    Omega X
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  • From Daedalus on May 23, 2005
    Sorry all, my computer broke, so I'm trying to work out a second chapter and fill in an Ivan/Sheba fic. The Ivan/Sheba fic is going pretty well too, so be on the lookout for "Winded."

    And Omega X, I apologise for assuming you were someone else. Jay goes by that same name, heh...
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  • From ANON - Omega X on March 22, 2005
    Alas Daedalus, I am not this Jay. I hope you keep up the good work, I love this fic, and I require more! (Of course, I'm hoping for more Mudshipping/Flameshipping/Windshipping)

    Omega
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  • From Daedalus on February 23, 2005
    ...Another thing. Omega X...Are you Jay?
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  • From Daedalus on February 23, 2005
    To answer all your questions (as I'm sure you've all been wondering if I'm alive...)

    PWP means "Plot, what plot".
    Yes, I'm aware of the doom dragon/fusion dragon error. I was partially trying to skip that part because, like I know a lot of you like to do, we want to skip to the lemony parts. =)

    More chapters? Good. Expect them soon.

    Short? Yeah, I know. It was a test to see if I had writing skills good enough to make people happy. Success. Expect the next chapter within a few weeks.
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  • From ANON - GSAlexthegod on February 22, 2005
    I liked it alot. Nice detail, very romantic. Saturos and Menardi's dragon form is called the FUSION DRAGON not Doom Dragon. Aside from that, it was good. I liked the humor involving Garet's insensitivity. Brilliant! Keep it up!
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  • From ANON - bob the dog on January 26, 2005
    what does pwp mean?
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  • From ANON - bob the dog on January 20, 2005
    It's pretty good. Could you make an IvanSheba one, too? That would be awesome.
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  • From ANON - JOnxfear on January 09, 2005
    Best story I ever seen keep up the good work. I like it very much
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  • From ANON - Nai on December 29, 2004
    I loved it! Cute, lovely, a well written piece. But it was too short... Add more chapters, please.
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  • From ANON - Omega X on November 18, 2004
    Not too Bad, the First Decent Issac/Mia Lemon I've seen in a while, Keep up the good work


    Omega
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  • From ANON - Daedalus on October 28, 2004
    ...I forgot. Yeah, the Doom Dragon WAS faced in TLA, though I get confused after a while...Since I actually haven't picked up my games in a while.
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  • From ANON - Daedalus on October 28, 2004
    Yeah, I plan on re-writing it, and getting more in depth, as well as adding chapters and such, so things get explained...I wrote this up quickly, didn't even double check it for spelling errors, someone had requested it since I had extensive writing skills; I roleplay in my spare time. I'll go ahead and make an update sooner or later, yes.
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  • From ANON - Mikaa on October 27, 2004
    Not bad. Not the best in the world, but not bad. The general idea is conveyed, but more lenght and description is needed, and some serious sentence reworking is needed. Towards the intro, there was one sentence that was holding enough info and content for five sentences, seven if you added more info.

    Again, not the worst in the world, and easily better than my Isaac/Sheba work. But it still needs some more work.

    Nice idea having this take place after the first game, though. Just remember this - it was the FUSION Dragon that they fought on the V aer aerie. Doom Dragon was fought at Mars Lighthouse...

    And who did Mia loose her virginity to? Twould be interesting to see how you explain that...

    MIKAA
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