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Reviews for The Mobian Saga

By : SSJ04Mewtwo
  • From ANON - --- on November 28, 2006
    Well, it's nice to see another SatAM based story around here, those are hard to come by. The story needs work though. You've got some minor mechanics errors floating about, a capitlization missing here, a misspell there. They aren't too bad, but if you clean 'em up things will flow more smoothly. Another problem I've spotted is that you sometimes flip back and forth between past and present tense. It's an easy mistake to make, but you have to watch out for it.

    Second, Sentinal is coming off as something of a Gary Stu. He's too perfect, and OCs coming totally out of left field and sweeping main characters off of their feet is something that generally frowned upon. I'd reccomend tweaking him slightly, toning down his abilities and making his introduction a little more gradual.

    Third, don't be afraid to go into detail on the scenes. Some of them are too abrupt, and it's difficult to get a feel for where the character's are and what's going on.

    All in all, you're off to an okay start, and you get bonus points for trying to get some of the more forgotten members of the Sonic gang into it. Make those corrections and the story will be well on its way to greatness.


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