Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Engulf

By : kourya
  • From Alnelfanboy on August 29, 2007
    Tear paired with somebody other than the replica? This is certainly new for me.

    Not bad at all. You definitely need to do more JadexTear goodness :D

    Unofficial pairs over canon ones are always more intriguing when done right.
    Report Review

  • From TerraBreaker on August 28, 2007
    Okay, I'm not a JadexTear fan, but that's irrelevant, and (surprise surprise) I'm not gonna flame you for it, heh :)

    I liked your writing style, certain sections of were certainly very Jade-esque (almost stroking his own ego.) your language was sufficiently varied throughout, yet I couldn't help feeling the first person limited it somewhat - probably my own personal bias against it though. Conversely though, you've inspired me, I may try doing something in first person myself one of these days...

    The setting and pretext could use some work - I just find the old "she got drunk" to be a bit lazy, I mean it's all that seems to happen in everyday real life (well, my life at least :-) I don't need anymore drunken women in my life, heheh.)

    I generally dislike AU/AR and will shy away from it as most authors take it as a cue to twist, bend and marr the characters beyond recognition, but I still think for your writing style alone, it was worth leaving a review. First time fics are always the hardest anyway, because you never know what people's reaction will be :)

    Of course it's great to see another non-yaoi fic being posted to balance things out - hope to see more in the future.
    Report Review

  • From BlackDreamer56 on August 28, 2007
    I ¢¾ the Jade x Tear couple! It's EXTREMELY rare to find a story or lemon on this pair since gamers of this fandom *females mostly -.-* only write yaoi mainly. Normally I don't have an issue with yaoi but now I find myself visiting fanfic sites less and less because horny fan girls, who squeal and cream their panties over guy x guy action in the anime/video game genre but frown in disgust when they see the real life gay porn between two men, get all hyper over their obssession and fill up a fandom with their nonsense *this of course makes it hard for viewers to find a fic on a het pairing they support* I use to enjoy reading yaoi but over some time that feeling disappeared and it's thanks to young writers who know nothing about real homosexuals. If you are a supporter of yaoi I'm not bashing you. I'm talking about the obnoxious, rude, and bashing fantards that give mature yaoi fans a bad name.

    Anyway I read this at work, since today is like slow as hell, and I had fun reading. Tear doesn't strike me as the alcoholic type but the sex was definitely amusing. If you want your work to come out better in the future, seeking a good & honest beta-reader that can handle lemons would do wonders. :D I like the fluff moments between the pair and I look forward to seeing another one-shot or story on this couple. I bet Jade is a good kisser *chuckles*

    Please write another! I promise to read and review if you do :)


    Report Review

  • From PapuraToraOtome on August 28, 2007
    I wouldn't call Jade x Tear unfamiliar. More so uncommon since most fans only care for the Luke x Tear, Anise x Jade, Jade x Peony, or Jade x Dist pairings.

    This isn't a particular couple I support but I applaud you for writing a lemon fic on a pair like this for originality sake.

    Jade's character as well as your first person style could use more work. Tear being drunk and acting like a pick-up ho seemed to be a lame reason on how Jade and her got in bed together. The sex scene was weak and I believe Jade being the person he is, could of made the time MUCH interesting. You have some mistakes in here. A better plot/scenario could of been used. I like the fact you don't write like a elementary schooler.

    I'm sorry but a lot of fanfics I come across displays some terrible writing.

    Anyway, for a first story, you didn't do horrible. I hope you write another lemon on this pair because this fic and a Anise x Ion one I read was the only two in this category that I found worth my time.
    Report Review

  • From LilacPhoenix on August 28, 2007
    Wow, a lemon on my OTP that isn't written by me. This is certainly a surprise (but a pleasant one indeed).

    I support Luke x Tear together but it isn't my favorite pair or one I care much about since it bores me quickly like the Sora x Kairi relationship from KH. Rare couples are more of my thing at times because those are the ones that most people ignore.

    For a first story, you didn't do terrible at all. I notice you have parts I through III all in the same chapter. You could of made them separate chapters but I don't think it's a huge deal.

    Your writing style is unique and not very many mistakes caught my attention. I can't picture Tear getting drunk like that at a party but with her being that way, I can't really claim you made her OOC either (since when any person is drunk, they tend to act different from their normal self). You did ok with Jade's character. He isn't an easy person to tackle. I did notice you mostly used first person and you did alright; a little improvement could be done with that though. Tear is actually 16 years old not 17 but if you already knew that, then ignore me lol.

    I like Jade x Tear with the idea of her being legal since once you're an adult, you can date any person of whatever age you so choose.

    The lemon to this was good but my only complaint is it should of been more naughty & longer (since I enjoy well-detailed, sexy hot scenes XD). I love lemons with a decent plot but I don't mind PWP occasionally.

    Good job at this! ^_^ I encourage you to write another fic on this pair (if you do, you know I WILL read & review).
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!