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Reviews for Girls of Hyrule Stories

By : TBoneTony
  • From NagaShark on August 15, 2009
    Hello I just thought I would let you in on a little secret if you would. Have you ever thought to write your stories on your home computer in say Notepad or Microsoft Word or something similar? If you was to do so you would be able to be as perverted as you wanted to be with out having to be banned for posting it up on www . Adultfanfiction . net btw other than that one thing so far this is a great story idea keep up the good work.
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  • From Potatoreaper on February 25, 2009
    well, i started off reading this expecting something that might arouse my literary, electronic, and hormonal interests simultaneously, but my hopes were shattered in all regards. you have a great concept for a fanfic, but there's some things that you do that really ruin the story for anyone reading it. first of all, like the first reader said, you're rather repetitive. example: every time you mention the deku tree you announce it by its full name, and you keep beating the 12 to 19 to 12 and back to 19 thing beyond death. its in the casket and 6 feet under and you're still punching the tombstone.

    next, is the maturity level of it. this is a site that REQUIRES all its visitors to be age eighteen (18) or older to view its content. Why in god's name are you including warnings that material is pg13 or higher? If you're looking to write a non-adult story, write it on www.fanfiction.net, not www.adultfanfiction.net. then list it in your profile, and if people like your adult works here, they might check out your other non-mature stories as well.

    more on the maturity of the story is your vocabulary choice. nobody on this website is young enough to be endangered by reading the words breasts, nipples, vagina, penis, anus, or any common synonyms, examples: tits, paps, pussy, schlange, ass, respectively. I stopped reading when you started talking about tentacles going into her bellybutton.

    lastly, the entire mention of the deviantart issue slaughters your fanfic. let me give you a tip. when a character talks to the narrator, or author, or whoever is in control of the story, it makes it comical, and kills whatever mood you were trying to set up (unless that mood was comical in the first place). nobody wants to read about malen's "milk jugs" (fuck, just say breasts, its an anatomical term, you can't get offended at that) alternating between flat and fat 15 times in a story. my advice to you on this issue: either rewrite it as a non-adult story and re-host it on www.fanfiction.net , or fill it out with more appropriate terms and descriptions, and remove all of the age switching mid plot, conversations with you and the characters, and references to deviantarts mature content warnings. Then, on your deviantart page, give the link to the topic and state that it is for adult audiences only

    you can't write a sex scene thats pg13. the kids will see through your "milk jugs, chest lumps, and bellybuttons," and the adults will just be pushed away by them.

    to cliche it: you can't have your cake and eat it too.

    i didn't mean to be insulting at all in this review, and i appologise if it sounded that way. i sound angry when i type. >_>

    i'm very tempted to write a duplication of your storyline in my own style as an example of a better rendition of it. since darkfall isn't released for another day, i might as well. if i do write one, i'll send it to you via private message, or just post it, i dunno. hope my criticism helped, and to all potential readers, give it a chance, but know that you probably won't get much of asexual or literary inspiration from this fanfic (at least in the first two stories) untill the author edits them.
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  • From thedragongly on December 28, 2008
    its funny and interesting, but... you tend to draw things out and repeat yourself waaaay too much. Seriously, just get on with it. The funny parts can only last so long into your constant repetitive nonsense. I couldn't even finish it...
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