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Reviews for Fire, Ice, and Arcane addictions.

By : ShadowBaUm
  • From LovelyLamentations on April 14, 2009
    Your writing style is lovely my friend :) However, don't trolls have a jamaican accent?
    Either way please continue your excellent writing!
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  • From wanderingaddict on January 11, 2009
    ah! it's understandable then, so long as it's something you have planned! it was just something I thought about mentioning, if you hadn't considered it at all ^.^

    in that case then, you might want to do a few more things to continue to make it seem in the same vein as WoW, like perhaps a little more detail every so often. about the academy, for instance, or little details and stuff, like Milo's ears or other things to reiterate to us stupid readers the fact that "hey, this is an elf doing this stuff with another elf!" you know, so it's fresh in our minds! that kind of goes for the troll too, I mean, the jungle and forest trolls of WoW each have a very distinct, very unique dialect, and I think it could really help make the troll much more intriguing to read about. you know, gives them a sort of personalized flair that makes them a lot more memorable.

    heh, it'd be kinda hard though! no worries though, just my thoughts on what was good and what- in my own, uninformed opinion- you could possibly give some thought to in the future ^.^
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  • From wanderingaddict on December 03, 2008
    aww, I'm not the only one reading this, just give it some time! think of your reviews like a little plant that requires water and time to grow. lots of time. :P

    there were a lot of places that I really dug, in terms of "heh, wow, that was a great use of language there," namely when Veran was describing the way magic worked, and the troll's hut in the tree. first, I gotta say that it's always so cool to read about someone else's interpretation of how magic works- to me it just sorta sets some guidelines for what I can expect and stuff. it's neat ^.^

    plus the language there (the See simple and the can't complex) was really just flat-out good. it was nice to see it continue for the treehouse too, although that is one point that I thought that... hmm, a little extra physical description would have been nice? just a sentance or two thrown in there, because I know what *I* pictured from that (which was one of those big, "fat" troll huts perched in one of those wide, three-limbed spready trees from the barrens) but I don't know what *you* want me to picture. the same kind of goes for the troll too- I mean, what I remember was that his skin was blue, but on the whole I think that if you added a little extra there two you could make his entrance a whole lot more powerful and memorable to the reader. you know, like... well I mean, trolls are really damn tall (even when they're hunched over- and I mean, when they straighten up momentarily to stretch, they're *damn* tall!). that's kinda memorable, and it seems like something that would strike someone upon first meeting a troll. or some stuff about his face (you know, the bony troll structure, the long troll nose, I mean, they're some pretty unique looking characters!).

    not that I'm saying that what you do have isn't enough or anything. haha, this is just like, if you're looking for critical feedpack on what *I* personally think you could improve to make the story pack that extra *oomph*! I'm just some random person though so it's not really like I know anything more than you do or anything. take my thoughts as just that, heh, random thoughts ^.^ you know, like me sharing my impressions, so that if you ever feel like rexamining your story you have some idea of what another person might take away from it. yeah.

    so back to the troll-dude, I think it would really help establish him as like, a real main-character-type kinda person to spend a little more time on Veran's first impression of him (heh, like, I know you can do a lot of neat things already, because the kiss+tusk thing was pretty good, so I know it can't be hard for you or anything :P). like I said before, to give it a little boost, so I walk away with more of my own impression of the guy. anyways, it was fun to read the next chapter already! haha, that was mighty quick :P
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  • From wanderingaddict on December 01, 2008
    wow, heh, this is pretty neat! there's a lot of attention to detail here that really brings the story to life. what I think really helped move the story along too was just how much of it was shown from the elf's perspective- nicely augmented by the few tidbits from his guide's, just to show how far off from the rest of the world he is. it was really pretty neat. the little bits about the bugs and the raptors, the heat and his loathing for the big empty place, heh, it truly feels like you brought the barrens to life! I'm honestly pretty eager to see what happens next, especially this meeting with the troll he's supposed to learn from. will they get along? understand each other? hate each other? both? :P
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