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Reviews for Suikoden II - Supplying Magic

By : terpfen
  • From salarta on April 21, 2010
    Hi! I wrote comments as I read along. :P

    I liked the touches you used that made it felt like more of a world than just what's happening in the fic. A lot of stories (including my own) have a bad habit of making it look like the whole world revolves around what's happening right then and there. Things like a mention of Lord Riou, or Leona (unnamed), or Karen were all nice touches. I was a little surprised and pleased about all the men leaving when hearing Karen was dancing at the tavern, I'm used to the idea of Jeane being hyped up as such a sex goddess (both in-game and by fans) that nobody would dare leave her presence without being forced to do so.

    You have good word choices like 'lioness' for Jeane. Word choices during sex are something I'm bad at, probably worse than you, so when I say "it feels mostly kind of bland due to wording," I'm guilty of the same thing. I don't know a way around it. That's probably the trouble with adult fanfic these days, hard to paint a picture without the same words. "nipples stabbing into his chestplate" is a spot that seemed weird because I imagined her nipples actually piercing his armor, but the imagery might be what you're going for; not that they actually would, but common sense means it gets the point across anyway. For some reason, I liked Raura's description more than all the Jeane. I don't know if it's because she's such an underrepresented character, or just because you wrote that part so well. I also felt the tension of her being there could have been played up more, but maybe it's fine to keep the playful feel of S2 during similar in-game scenes intact. Thigh-sex is definitely good and a change-up from the usual (suck, fuck, hand, etc).

    The fic also gave me several fun ideas I don't want to give away in a public way, but one I'm fine saying here is that Jeane's interaction with Johann over the rune made me imagine if Leknaat fancied someone enough to want to give them a special rune. Maybe that's good for a future fic from one of us, already thinking of ways to work with it.

    In summary, good fic. :)
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  • From terpfen on April 16, 2010
    The teaser is definitely leading somewhere, I just haven't had the time or inclination to write out the next part. I figured it was best to take it down rather than keep people hoping for an immediate follow-up.

    Current ETA is "by Summer."
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  • From Watcher on April 16, 2010
    Eh, fooey. I liked that teaser, even if I was pretty sure it wasn't going anywhere.
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  • From terpfen on December 08, 2009
    Everyone, thank you for the kind words. (And you lurkers, feel free to chime in!)

    Karl, I have a few story ideas rattling around. Not all of them are fit for public posting, but odds are you'll see more from me.
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  • From karlminion on December 08, 2009
    A very good way to cap off a most enjoyable read.

    Do you intend to write more stories for this site? You're really very good at it, as I think I said before.
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  • From karlminion on November 30, 2009
    Very hot. You have a gift for this sort of thing, you should definately keep it going.
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  • From NinjaGaijin on November 27, 2009
    You finally wrote it yourself--your dream Jeane story--and it was GOOD!
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  • From karlminion on November 26, 2009
    This isn't it, is it? There's more coming, right?
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  • From mogroxit on November 26, 2009
    I loved it! I'm looking forward to a follow up to this.
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