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Reviews for The Folly of Magus

By : wingsofseyfert
  • From edwardmorte on November 25, 2011
    I find your portrayal of the queen interesting, to say the least. Its a unique view on her actions and written well to the point where she becomes a tolerable character. Magus might be a bit ooc, but to be fair, if authors didn't portray him that way, he wouldn't be much good for fanfiction, lol. His inner turmoil and cruelty were intriguing. I think he is often made to be too kind in fanfiction. Though he wasn't able to go through with the rape, which i appreciate for the purpose of the story, I enjoyed the fact that you made him cruel enough to try. All in all, an absolutely fantastic story.
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  • From salarta on August 08, 2010
    There's nothing wrong with taking Queen Zeal in a different way if you want to. It's well-known to people who pay attention when playing the game that Queen Zeal used to be a kind and benevolent ruler but got corrupted by Lavos' power with the desire to live forever after her husband's death. It might be good for the general view of her by fans to have a reminder that she wasn't an evil bitch to begin with, but due to the corrupting influence of Lavos. It kind of reduces the character for people to not see all the factors at work with her. Anyway, I don't think I'll leave further reviews on AFF because I feel that I'm inflating the number into more than it should be. I'm more than half of them now out of 5 after all. I suggest re-considering and revising your story description however. Some codes are no longer applicable like humil, SH and maybe D/s. You might have some new ones to add in their place. There isn't a code for it established, but you could do Cons or something like it for consensual sex, since the original idea was N/C, the original description gives the impression of N/C, and people who saw your entry before might not realize the new direction you've taken with it without a sign like that.
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  • From khfun159 on August 01, 2010
    Great start on this one! I would advise getting someone to proof the story, though. There are several redundant words ("He began to, then began to...") in some of your sentences. I love the concept, and haven't really seen one like this with Magus and Zeal before. CT is a goldmine of interesting side characters with vague enough backstories to fill out in fanfiction.

    Would Zeal know what a tank top is? That kind of bothered me in chapter two.
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  • From salarta on July 30, 2010
    Nothing wrong with no sex content for a chapter, it's true that the majority of readers only seem to care about seeing sex and nothing else, but those readers who look beyond just that part of a story appreciate the build-up to make it seem more reasonable for the characters to do these things. It definitely enhances getting into a fic like this to understand why a woman like Queen Zeal who thinks so highly of herself would put up with what's to come. The one criticism I can make so far is that the hint of what's to come provided at the end of the second chapter is at dissonance with Magus' reluctance to do anything to her sexually at the end of the first chapter. BUT, it's all about how it's written, and based on your writing so far, I can definitely see you setting it up in a way that makes sense.

    Oh, and for the record I like the pink top of Flea's and the way it makes Queen Zeal look. :)
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  • From noteven on July 28, 2010
    A very good start! Keep it up!
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  • From salarta on July 28, 2010
    I knew as soon as I saw the game and person who added it that this was going to involve Queen Zeal to some extent. I'm really looking forward to more of this from you, for two reasons. One is the obvious, that I love Queen Zeal's vile bitch air and really want to see people do more of her, but more than that there hasn't been a single fic I wanted to read in months. My other writing pals have been having difficulty writing anything at all lately, and everything else that's been posted recently has either been of games I don't know/care about, or the usual yaoi that this site is becoming infamous for. You're definitely off to a good start, and I'm really looking forward to seeing what you do with and to her over the course of this fic. :)
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