Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Releasing The Ocean

By : asmth9999
  • From NaekaneSato on August 05, 2010
    Heh, releasing the ocean indeed. 8D

    That immaturity aside, I must say that your story is kind of, well, rough. Don't get me wrong; I enjoyed it and am rather glad to finally see a Xelha/Kalas fic on AFF. Still, there are more than a few flaws in this fic. I may as well get to those before I get to what is good about this story.

    First off, there were some repetitive and redundant words and phrases (the word “yet,“ for instance). I understand that repetition can be used for emphasis, but, at least to me, it was somewhat overdone here. While the descriptions were decent, I thought they were too short and kind of simple. The story’s overall pacing was okay, but I felt it could have been better. It would have been stronger if the pacing were slowed down a bit. There’s not need to be overly flowery, but something this romantic, at least for me, should have a slower pace and better descriptions. There are also several grammar mistakes and some words which perhaps were meant to be another word entirely, or some missing words.

    And now for the good: I did like how you portrayed Kalas and Xelha. Considering that this scenario could not actually happen in T-rated game, perhaps Xelha would seduce Kalas like this. Kalas seems largely oblivious to Xelha’s feelings and perhaps to females in general, so maybe he would freeze up like that. After all, alternate ending or not, this is still rather out-of-character for Xelha. I also really like how you depicted their feelings for one another, and how badly both of them wanted to be together, especially during the love-making scene. Seeing as this isn’t the same as the game, I guess it’s left to us to wonder if Xelha will come back just as she does in the original story.

    So yes, while this fic is a bit on the rough side, I did like it.
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!