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Reviews for Book I: Boletaria Palace

By : idotmyts
  • From Aggremalek on October 30, 2010
    Damn that was hot! Are you planning on writing more for this? 'Cause I'm definitely hooked on your style of writing, hell, you could start up an entirely new story and I would still read it.
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  • From salarta on September 28, 2010
    Hi! Sorry I took a day to say anything about your newest chapter, I felt I should wait until I was ready and wanting to read it rather than forcing myself to read it when I'm not feeling up for it just so I could give you a review. :P After this review, I'm going to just send it in E-mail because it always feels odd to have a constant string of reviews as the only person giving them (at least for now). I was originally going to send THIS by E-mail, but I really feel this should get more notice from readers than it's getting, and I think the added number might encourage more readers (and reviews so people know that there actually are some people on this site who like to read things that aren't guys fucking guys :P ).

    I liked the new chapter (chapter 3 of book I), though I feel you could have replaced the Dregling with Patches. Not sure if you got that far into the game yet or if you just didn't think he'd be appropriate there. I definitely liked the more creative approach to dog sex, it shows that there's more that can be done than just plain doggystyle which is something I myself always find difficult to think of an alternative to. I also got the strong sense of the scene being inspired by the Tower Knight's area.

    One spot I read with a typo though: "She used the dock's prick like a straw." It's not a huge deal, we all know what you meant, but might want to fix it since typos draw some people out of stories. Otherwise, keep up the great work!
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  • From salarta on September 25, 2010
    It's nice to see someone else write some Demon's Souls adult fic. I did one early this year and nobody ever bothered to review, only one left a vote.

    It's good so far. I get the impression that you're letting it go wherever it feels like it should go rather than trying to force it to fit a certain mold, which is very good for creativity. :) It also tends to come out for people reading it too. Reading it, I can't help but wonder if it's formatted to echo your own progress as you play the game. Oh, and congrats on finding the tentacle raep (intentionally misspelled) component of Demon's Souls, I never thought of that before. The one big thing I suggest (which is obviously advice you can take or leave, since everyone has their own style) is breaking up some of your paragraphs more. Having so much blocked together in a story can feel like "wall of text" which can be slightly off-putting to getting into reading it.
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