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Reviews for Taking Their Time

By : NaekaneSato
  • From Kakashifan727 on November 13, 2012
    Adorable. Nice job with this.
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  • From ANON - Zefie Kirasagi on April 30, 2011
    For a first time writing? I'd say excellent =P you're certainly further along than when I began writing several years back...my first published Fanfiction ended up being one of my most infamous XD An M-rated Symphonia ficlet called "First Date: A Colloyd Fanfiction". Lloyd/Colette screwing, Colette/Sheena having a strip/catfight into a 3some, Raine/Presea having a strip/catfight, questionable activity between Genis and Raine, Genis and Presea screwing...yeah, you have a LOT better first outing than I did lol.

    Right, enough about my crap: focusing on yours now =P

    Minor nitpicks: when writing one of these stories, be sure to stay in one narrative tense. You swap back and forth here (past tense "he did" and present "he is"). It makes it harder to follow some parts of the story. Either tell it all one way or the other, but don't swap back and forth, as it can break the flow. And to be honest, for a lemon, ALWAYS go with the third person past tense - the present tense "he is fucking her" never, ever sounds right or alluring to a reader. We want to see what happened, not feel like it's happening right in front of us at the moment. It's hard to describe.

    The sex scene itself is fine, and I don't see any glaring issues there (speaking as someone who has written a lot of them over the years XD). Things are described just fine, and it matches into the feeling of that first fumble-tumble. The only hiccups come, again, from the tense/POV confusion. That, and I wonder exactly how they produce condoms in the Symphonia world (can almost guarantee that it's Tethe'allan tech though lol, and it's probably better to Handwave that anyways).

    Speaking of which - I had a feeling I'd enjoy this as soon as I saw that you're a fellow troper =P Reading that site and all it's little quirks has definitely helped my own skill in the "do"s and "don't"s of writing, and I can see its effect here in spots.

    Also helping things is that this is an Emil/Marta fic, which there are sadly very few mature fics of, despite that the two of them probably have more Unresolved Sexual Tension than the rest of the cast put together (probably helps that they're the ONLY Symphonia couple to have on-screen-ish kissing). Trying to imagine older/buffer Emil is difficult, but I think I got the vague idea, although I got a small chuckle out of thinking of his hesitant way of speaking with his voice sounding like Ratatosk. Marta on the other hand...yeeeeah, she's pretty much very clearly wanted to ride his bone since five minutes into the sequel ._. So it's not a stretch at all.

    Anyways, solid first outing, no issues that can't be resolved in the future. I'd say you've got a good start here! And don't worry about having started writing lemons XD a lot of fanfiction writers do, and most of them (*cough* me *cough*) are a lot worse than this on round one. Feel free to write whatever you feel like writing, whether it's lemons or normalfics or anything in between.

    I should probably start publishing stuff again myself anyways - for now, my stuff is under Zefie Kirasagi on FFNet, and the same here (but I think I only ever uploaded one fic here).

    If you ever write more Tales of Symphonia related work, please let me know! I've been about as intense a fan as is possible for a long time now (I just finished a Presea/Lloyd pairing game of the original tonight so I'm on something of a fic-reading binge).
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  • From KageSora on January 30, 2011
    I thought about reviewing this on the other site I saw it on, but then I remembered that stories around here seem to get far less reviews, so I figured I'd say something here, instead. :3

    This is... It's /amazingly/ well-written. I honestly can't remember the last time I read such a well-written straight lemon. It's fantastic. The description is amazing, and everything about it is fantastic. I admit I rarely read anything straight, but this is something that caught my eye as one of the few DotNW lemons, and one of the few EmilXMarta lemons especially. I love how you write them both, how Emil is hesitant and caring rather than just consumed by desire, and how Marta wants it but is willing to let Emil set how far they go. I dearly hope you'll write more EmilXMarta stories, even if they're not lemons, you're very skilled at it!

    I did notice a few typos, but nothing too detracting from the story. Aside from them, it was perfect
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