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Reviews for Hypnosis

By : HolyFrijoles
  • From LoveHatesYou on November 08, 2011
    Heeellloooo~

    Nice story. Congrats on your first adult fanfic. I don't have too much to say, but I will point out one little grammatical error, there were a couple other little things, but I won't nik-pick.

    "She could have jumped and pulled herself up as effortlessly as Sora does but"

    Does should be did. Ya'know, because jumping from past-tense to present-tense doesn't read very well, other than that, great job!
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  • From on September 13, 2011
    This was pretty good for a first try. I like this pairing a lot and you really don't see much with them anymore. I give you a thumbs up for not making a lot of the same mistakes other first timers make such as describing what the characters look like in great detail or explaining things about them that we already know. My only criticism would be that the build up and sex scenes were far too short! Give us more detail, paint a picture in our minds, and make us "feel" what the characters are feeling. You're still doing very good though, and I think you will only improve with more practice. I hope you will continue to write. You do it very well.
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