rate_review Reviews

i like the story so far, you really need to keep going with just fix certain parts of it. do a read over to check what i mean

dude I loved it fucking great!

This story seemed to go downhill - though, it is quite difficult to write a lemon. You seemed to have Ivy's character fairly well at the beginning, with her cockiness and unflinching attitude. Your Siegfried could have used some work though - he was more of a valiant knight, and not the type to comment on Ivy's 'sexy body.'

However, both of these were lost as soon as the sex came into it - they just became the typical 'give me more' personalities so stereotypical of pornography. Try and keep the characters consistent throughout.

Also, perhaps you should try re-reading your work. You have a few run on sentences and you'll re-use a word several times in a row, where a synonym would be far more effective.

And excellent first attempt however - I wish you luck on future writing pieces. =)

This could use more improvement. But... not bad for your first try.

Very impressive. I don't know why peaple haven't review this. Anyway, please continue with the story.

Udate.

Sexy. Very sexy, indeed. I love it.