schedule
January 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I'm a big fan of Snake/Otacon interaction of any sort, be it friendship or romance. Could be funny, could be tragic, anything so long as it's done well.
I really admire that you asked for tips; a lot of writers are too full of themselves, etc. to admit that they could possibly benefit from others' suggestions. That being said, though I really liked the idea behind the story, it does have its flaws.
The grammar and structure isn't so bad, but a beta reader could help you catch those mistakes you might miss yourself. Adding a comma here and there, catching you if you spell something wrong (like Otocon, versus Otacon), that sort of thing.
As it stands now, you could probably have condensed this into a one-shot story. Or I'd suggest you flesh it out a little more so that each chapter has more purpose and they're all closer to the same length. A little more background would've been nice. A little more explanation as to what exactly happened when Ocelot killed Otacon. It was hard to feel sad about it, because there wasn't much build-up. The second and third chapters were a little bare; they were very short and there wasn't enough detail to get a feel for what was going on.
I trust you could make it great, with a bit of work!
I really admire that you asked for tips; a lot of writers are too full of themselves, etc. to admit that they could possibly benefit from others' suggestions. That being said, though I really liked the idea behind the story, it does have its flaws.
The grammar and structure isn't so bad, but a beta reader could help you catch those mistakes you might miss yourself. Adding a comma here and there, catching you if you spell something wrong (like Otocon, versus Otacon), that sort of thing.
As it stands now, you could probably have condensed this into a one-shot story. Or I'd suggest you flesh it out a little more so that each chapter has more purpose and they're all closer to the same length. A little more background would've been nice. A little more explanation as to what exactly happened when Ocelot killed Otacon. It was hard to feel sad about it, because there wasn't much build-up. The second and third chapters were a little bare; they were very short and there wasn't enough detail to get a feel for what was going on.
I trust you could make it great, with a bit of work!