rate_review Reviews

Hope the next fan fic would be kasumi!

Good, very good. Kasumi next please.... and hey, drop me an email if your still writing this.

God knows anything with Hitomi gives me a boner. I liked the way this was written, no doubts about that, and I have this story bookmarked for future boners.

However, I do believe in concrit, and I'm not going to waste anyone's time with how much I love this story.

If you don't have a beta reader, you should probably get one. There were a few grammatical incorrections throughout the story, as well as sentence errors that made it slightly distracting. Obviously, it's not so serious that my eyes bled and I gave up reading altogether, but betas do come in handy if you want to write something decent -- even if it's just smut.

This next thing is just a personal peeve of mine, but the constant "Slrrp"s and "Slcch"s kind of distracts me from the fic itself. I don't like hearing vag farts irl, and I don't like reading vag farts in fanfiction. (Or queefs or squishies or whatever you want to call them.)

Annnd as for the next chapter? I think you should write about Kokoro. She's a geisha in training, after all. It'd be interesting.

Mayu being involved in this would be some kinda hot stuff, too.


Cheers.

This fanfic is so wicked awesome. By reading it, It made my whole day great. I got to wait for the other girls.

Great chapter! Maybe next you could do a double with Lei Fang and Kokoro.

Wow, that was simply amazing. You really did Hitomi justice in this chapter. Everything you wrote was so descriptive and your grasp of vocabulary was impressive. I can't wait to see what the odd tatoo that formed on her was. The wait was sure worth it. I can't wait until you start your third chapter with Kasumi and might I recommend Kokoro for Lilium's next victim?

O.o....

That. Was frigging hot. Update soon, okay?

Awesome story, and I can't wait for more!

You've GOT to do Christie next!

Hey, just wondering if you were still planning on continuing this story. If not, mind if I take my hand at it, kind of like what you did with the original author? i was actually planning a while ago to make a story just like this, with crossovers out the ass, but I didn't want to completely plagarize him and you, so when I saw what you had already written, I decided not to. Let me know!

Hi very nice story, I enjoyed reading it very much. I would say that Lisa should be the next victim. I also have some Ideas and suggestions, would you be so kind to add an email address to your profile, as I would like to discuss a few of my ideas with you.

If you want you could also drop me a mail and i'd get back to you with my idea. My e-mail dress is palmbi@hotmail.co.uk hope to hear from you soon.

Thnaks again for a fantastic story (First Chapter).