schedule
July 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Short and sweet. only complaint is the occasional lack of common tense in the same sentence (jumps from past to present for eg).
schedule
July 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Pretty short, but functional enough. Not that I'm one to talk - I know all about the horrors of trying make a sex scene last longer. ;)
Anyways, the only thing that really bothered me was the 'it wouldn't be Hector-and-Farina sex if it was anything but that' bit. It kind of draws you away from the action and rubs it into your face that you're reading a story. A rephrasing of that part might help. Something like... I dunno... 'as it always was' or 'which was exactly how they liked it'.
Anyways, the only thing that really bothered me was the 'it wouldn't be Hector-and-Farina sex if it was anything but that' bit. It kind of draws you away from the action and rubs it into your face that you're reading a story. A rephrasing of that part might help. Something like... I dunno... 'as it always was' or 'which was exactly how they liked it'.
schedule
July 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
...Hmm, maybe "it wouldn't be their kind of sex if it wasn't" might've sufficed.